Tuesday, February 27, 2007

*Updated* But, of course this was bound to happen ...

Just a quickie update ...

If y'all could be praying for me. I've been feeling abit rundown the last couple days, assuming it was from the stress of the move prep.

Now, I'm running a so-far low-grade fever which could mean the flu ... or a kidney infection. Either is the last thing we need right now.

I need to be on my feet to drive for three days. And I don't need an infection. I'll take the flu, a fast case if need be. I haven't had an infection in years; so I'm hopeful that, at least, is not the issue we are dealing with.

Internet goes down for the trip soon. I'll update if anything is solid one way or the other before then. Otherwise, it will be hit and miss with WiFi as we go.

Well, off to take some Tylenol and go to bed.

*Update: This morning I had an earache and sore throat so YEAH!! It's a cold or something (I can't believe I'm fairly excited here folks) ... So, off to the store for one of the few drugs I can still take and then down with the internet til the 9th. Thanks everyone :)

In Honor of my 20,000th Visitor .... 20,000 things about me!


But, you were worried, weren't ya!

Seriously, we will be without internet until March 9th when we get settled into the new house. The move was required by the Transplant Center- something about length of travel for a cadaver donor transplant, if it comes to that. You got to be there f.a.s.t!

So, we are packing up the Uhaul and saying goodbye to our dream home in Montana for abit. Well, at least 12 bits (months) or so.

But, it's a shot at life.

So, we are taking it.

I'm sure there will be at least 8,000 posts to catch up on once we are online again, so please - nothing too wonderful between now and then!
In the meantime .... let's celebrate ANYWAY!!!!
If you would be so kind, can you leave me a comment with your worst or funniest moving story?
Once we settle, I'll get up the emotional courage to write allll about this move for you. It's been laden with more twists and turns than the grandest ole' wodden rollercoaster.
20,000 comments would be ... well ... awesome! fantastic! (Boo, have I annoyed you enough yet?) ... but, highly unrealistic. Maybe a few less than that.
So... go on! De-lurk in the spirit of movingstresssisterhood. Dare ya!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Just Giggle ... Giggle If You Want To ....

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Go Ye into the World....

"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." - Mark 16:15
When I was 16, I was called to missions. I spent the summer of my 17th year in Europe with Teen Missions doing evangelical work and almost spent my 18th with The Continentals doing the same thing. At 19, I felt led to go to Australia with YWAM, but I was not allowed the opportunity because it was "too far away". I sit back at times, and wonder what things would have been like had I been allowed to go.
Kati is my oldest. My first. My only daughter. She is DLP- daddy's little princess. She is most like me.
I have not always given her what she needs in terms of being mothered. I worked outside the home until she was just out of 6th grade, so dad took care of her and her brother during the day times. The last two years have brought about a stronger bond between the two of us that I cherish.
I tend to not smother her, suffocate. I refuse to "be one of the girls" with she and her friends and they appreciate that. It didn't work well for me growing up, so I'm trying not to pass it on. I let her have opinions, ideas and try to support her in what she wants. In doing this, I remember- as does she- that I am her mother, and not her friend. Someday, when she is older, if things work out right, we will have the chance to be friends rather than mother and daighter. There is a time; there is a balance.
This means there is conflict between us at times, but afterwards, there is discussion and unity. It's been hard since she got "hormonal", teenager-y, woman-ly. But, she has this place in my heart that beats so loudly in my ears. She is a mini-me. Headstrong, loving, confrontational, impatient, tender, caring, compassionate, nurturing, funny, witty. smart and lovable to her bones.
Other than wanting to be a vet through the age of 7, she has had her heart set- passionately- on traveling the world. That world. The big scary one, full of war, conflict, terror - and as she puts it- lost souls. What started as a passion for art, writing and travel (that girl can write, let em tell you) has developed over the last year into a desire for the mission field. In Africa. A-f-r-i-c-a.
It takes my breath away.
She will be going on her first missions trip this summer, locally to Mexico, hopefully with our new church. Then, next summer- God willing- the plan is more, well, far away. Maybe Peru, or India, or Panama, or .... with Global Expeditions. Although she just turned 14 and is chomping at the bit to go this summer, we have a few things on the plate. Transplant and all. Selfishly, I told her I want her here to be with me through surgery, should it come this summer. She gets it. So, we look to next year.
Her current studies include the current Physician's Desk Reference and Civilian Under Fire: Humanitarian Practices in the Congo Republic. Heady stuff for a 14 year old, but she laps it up. Her one grandfather was a doctor. The other, a missionary every day he woke up and took breath to anyone that he came in contact with. I think she is the best of both of them.
I know that I have two options here:
1) Hold her so tight, that she resents it and rebels. Potentially walks away from the things that God is laying on her heart. Her destiny.
2) Loosen the strings ever so lightly, pray like crazy, so she can grow, learn, mature, decide, buy-in, get with God's program for her life.
No matter what she decides, I'm behind her. I will not stand in her way because I'm uncomfortable. Because I don't want what I want. I want what God has for her, what she wants. There is no I in her destiny.
She is mine, because God gave her to me. I am here to help her grow, to help her hear God's voice and support her in those things that she decides to do with what God has given her.
Even if it means holding back tears while driving her to the airport on some not-so-distant day, watching her take her passport and ticket, maybe her husband and my grandkids, and go off to her mission field. In Africa.
They don't know the blessing they have on the way now. Do they?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

How do I Love Thee ...

Note: we don't celebrate Valentines around here anymore. For the most part, it's because our anniversary is on the 10th. The other part? We love on each other all year. We don't need a date :)

How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways ...

I love you .. cause you asked "Hey, why don't you run errands alone today? I'll keep the kids.

I love you ... cause I was afraid to drive down our hill in the snow.

I love you ... cause you offered to drive me down our long, steep hill and walk back up.

I love you ... cause you then drove me all the way to the main road- 2 miles.

I love you ... cause you walked back 2 miles in the snow and cold.

I love you ... cause the last thing you said to me, before you hiked home was ....

Take. Your. Time. and GogetyourhaircutmaybeevengetlunchsomewherebutTake.Your.Time.


That is why I love you. 'Cause you show me in little ways all year, that you love me.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A Special Valentine

Lord ...
Just a note to say Thank You, and I'm Sorry.
I forgot. I panicked. I got angry, because I was scared.
For everything that fell apart this week,
for everything you put back together, better...
In one moment you reminded me,
You Hear Us Cry.
In one phone call you reminded me,
You are in Control.
Through one person you reminded me,
You Love Us.
My forever Valentine.

I"ll bet you didn't know this!

Melanie, a sweet friend who comments regularly, created this post in honor of National Organ Donor Day today ... I'll invite each of you to read it.
Although I've been signed up as an organ donor since I was 18, I know I couldn't have said it better!

Isn't it awesome that National Organ Donor Day falls on Valentines Day!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Bloggity Goodness

Make sure you click on the picture, to read the story. Here.

Faith Lifts - Courage Awards

My sweet friend Sarah, from In the Midst of It , was interviewed for the Courage Award at Faith Lifts today.

It's a thought-provoking post that you need to go here and read :)

Off to do Anniversary things y'all.

Have a blessed day!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Because You Complete Me

John and Kelli
February 10, 1990

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill,

We've shared our strength, and we share it still,

It hasn't been easy to make the climb,

But the way was eased by your hand in mine.

Like the lake, our life, has had ripples too,

Ill health and worries, and payments due,

With happy pauses along the way,

A graduation, a raise in pay.

At the foot of the slope,

we will stop and rest,

Look back if you wish, we've been truly blessed,

We've been spared the grief of being torn apart,

By death or divorce, or a broken heart.

The view ahead, is one of the best,

Just a little further, and then we can rest,

We move more slowly, but together still,

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill.

-PC King

I love you.

No matter what.


End of s.t.o.r.y.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Although I hate pancake syrup ....

... I can take this kind o'sweetness all day long:

Jonathan (mind you he's almost 13):

"Mom, do you need a hug? Cause ... I know a guy......"

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

America's Most Wanted ... here I come?

So, it started out with a list of errands. Go here, go there, run in, run out.
Then, we hit #4 - drop off the gold-plated copy of my birth certificate that the Social Security office required to determine I was really disabled enough to stay home.
First of all, we get directions - the Social Security office is located downtown in the new Federal Building, across from Lincoln Center. Oh, yeah, of course! Whatever.
So, we go downtown and try to figure out if the Fed is at 4th and 29th, then which one way streets will get us there the fastest with a shot at hitting the parking lot the first time out. See, in Billings? The parking lots are one-way along with the streets, Ikidyounot.
After seven, count them people, s-e-v-e-n failed attempts to getintheparkinglottherightway ...we landed a spot on the curb. With a meter. And zero.no space to parallel park correctly. Now, I drive a mid-size SUV and have the parallel parking skills of any good driver raised in Los Angeles (translation - I don't parallel park).
Then, John had to discuss (noticed I didn't say "we" had to discuss) whether I was really correctly parked at all. Frankly, it was take to spot or throw the birth cert out the window and hope the magic social security fairy delivered it to the right person.
We fed the meter (10 cents for 18 minutes- I mean, how long can this take?)
Now, before I proceed let me say I am a world-savvy traveler. Because of various things I've done, including the line of work I have been in, I have traveled excessively through both domestic and international airport terminals- even since 9/11. I know how to fit everything, including shoes, briefcase and laptop in one container, feed it through, get me in and out through security without breaking a sweat. I laugh at those who stand in line staring blankly at the rules of security, when they first realize they have to remove shoes and jackets- and realize they didn't shave under their arms, have on a tank top and holey socks. Yep. Priceless. But, I digress.
We walk in the door. Of the Federal Building. In Billings, people. Billings, MT.
I throw down everything to the x-ray tote and fly through the metal detector, scoop up my sunglasses and keys from the x-ray as it sails through and head for the Social Security door in front of me.
"MA'AM!!" (click)
Clueless, I flip around and see the guard staring me down, with one hand on his hip placed on his gun. The "click" I heard, faintly in my brain? That little snap that holsters that fine piece of gun-ness.
"Ma'am, you need to sign in please".
Oops. Again.
Never thought the guy at the desk had a purpose.
After asking to see my photo ID, I turned about 14 more shades of red, cause I didn't think to bring my wallet in with me. So, I was escorted to the security section to wait for John. Hmpf.
After seeing how long the line was, I was sent out to get my ID and feed the meter some more.
This time through, the metal detector goes off. Huh?
Nothing changed- and the only thing I can think that it's the dialysis catheter. The one that is, well, not placed for human viewing.
"Anything metal on you?"
"Well, I have a dialysis catheter".
"And, can you show it to me?"
"Well, it's ...."
"Just point- I'll scan you".
And I'm through.
And other than that, it was uneventful - except for the 65 year old who almost clocked John. See, he thought we were #2 and we were #4. And he tried to go to the window in front of her. Yowsa!
As we walked out, John mutters to the guard (out of hearing) "You've been blogged". I luvs that man!
After a few more unexciting stops, we headed to the salon to get John a haircut. Since we had a few things to do in the area, I dropped him off and kept going. Well, I mean, I came back and all. I didn't, you know - leave town.
When I got back to the salon, I grabbed one of the only open seats in the waiting area- next to the door. And with one empty seat between myslef and anotehr older lady. Wait, she was old, I am not. Not "anotehr" older lady, like I'm old.
No one asked me if I needed help, and for some rweason the lady next to the empty chair got leary. She asked me "Are you wating for a haircut" three different times. I wasn't I contiunually reassured her, John was- although we had not spoken when I come in- him being fully engrossed in the latest Road and Track review of something expensive. Yes, that is why he gets his hair cut there. Road and Track in the waiting room.
SO for some reason, my presence set her on edge. She casually reached over and got her purse, then put it in her lap. Asked me again- maybe I need a haircut? She even tried to get the attnetion of the receptionist.
It would be wrong of me to not say, out loud, that I Was enjoying every minute of it. People cna be fascinating at times= and for the life of me, I cna't figure out what made me look so meancing.
She got called in, and John hopped up and sat next to me. I told him, and we both got a nice chuckle out it.
When she left, I did make it a point to say "goodbye" and "have a wonderful afternoon". I mean, really- we need to be polite.
Somehow, we managed to get home without arrest or high-speed chase.
Just another day in the life o'Bonnie and her man Clyde.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Y'all Only Have 12 hours to think CHEAP and FUN !

Shalee has come up with this great idea for Valentine's Day!
This is an awesome-y idea from our very own Shalee's Diner, of course.
So run over and get all the details-
then get ready for some awesome-y cheap inexpensive
date ideas for the upcoming Day O'Love!
Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!
Tuesday, February 6th :)
Rock on Shalee, Rock on!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Control ... and lessons learned

*This post was first published in the Summer of 2006. But I had a deep need to to dig through to find it today. It reminds me of what God is doing, and of what He will do. In strange and miraculous ways beyond our comprehension. I hope this touches you where you are today. No matter what your circumstances.

Websters defines control as " To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; direct". Those the know me well may define me as the same.

I have an in-bred desire to control the things around -- my career, my teenagers, the weather, the way others drive around me ... the list goes on. I value knowing how things should go, to the point of finishing others sentences at times. These are things I am aware of, and work on constantly.

When life throws you a curve, like say, kidney failure and daily dialysis ... you lose "control". You are tied to a process 4 times a day for 45 min or so each, where you cannot do anything but sit and wait for it to finish - you cannot make it go faster, although I swear that focusing on it will in fact make it go slower. There are times when the dialysis fluid is draining out of that bag, that gravity itself comes to a stop and all downward motion ceases to exist within the walls of this house.

Travel becomes more difficult- and we are a traveling family. Not just because we have moved 23 times in 17 years (yes, we actually sat down and counted it a few nights ago) but we are day-trippers. We love to get in the car, kids, dogs, lunch and map -- and just go! We have seen alot of things we never would have stumbled onto on those trips -- and created more memories with the kids than we ever expected.

Let me count how many day trips we have taken since this started .. well, there was the time we ... no, that was in February ... oh yeah, we ... no -- that was in December. Hmmm - we haven't done anything day-trip-ish since this started.

Waiting for the results of a whole lot of blood drawn is not fun either --- what will be up, down, not changed, new meds. more meds, IV, oral --- change change change ....

I'm the organizer --- taskmaster ---- keeper of schedules, places to be and lateness-detererrer. The first to volunteer or go if I'm available. If there is free time to go see something new, I have the keys in my hand and a homeschool project in the offing ...

Until now.

We just moved into our new home - which sits on 20 acres on a mountain (thanks God!). However, after 23 moves, this was the first "stressful" move I've encountered. Why? Because I cannot lift, and I have no energy after about 1/2 hour. I had to "sit" while everyone else stepped up and packed, staged, moved, loaded, unloaded and organized. I had to "sit" and watch -- from the sidelines, and feel totally, completely, truly, deeply useless. I can honestly pack out a house in 48 hours - I'm that good. John is the loaded / unloader. That is our way, its the way we survive.

However, this time was different. If I could go help, then I realized I couldn't because I would have to be back too soon to do another dialysis exchange -- after lifting a small box, my anemia would kick in and remind me that I'm not supposed to do that by taking every last once of energy away from me in a heartbeat.

So, I sit alone in an empty house and get mad. Angry at the reason I'm sitting here, angry at God for not healing me in the 41 years He has had the chance to, angry that I don't feel better despite the large number of drugs I take every day, angry I can't swim this summer because of the risk of infection to the catheter, angry I can't lose weight because of the stupid sugar in the dialysis solution that seems to suck into me and double in caloric value every day, and then -- I realized something. I am useless - but,

I am loved despite everything.

I have a wonderful husband who has stood by me through:

Removal of a kidney
6+ mis-carriages
2 c-sections
Kidney Failure and Dialysis

And he loves me.

With every box he packs, lifts, loads and unloads to organize and put away -- he is showing me my value to him. That my existence here to him matters --- my uselessness is really in my head. He loves me and values me enough to step in and do it all - 18 hours a day, and not complain

My kids love me.

With every bag they bring, and exchange they demand to help with, they show that this process keeps me with them another day. They have been amazing through this whole experience and remind me that God is in control.

My God loves me.

I was not planning on going to the Dr., not this Dr. But I did, and he ran a test that showed us what was going on. He referred me to the BEST specialist, with the BEST team. I've met the rest of the practice -- I know this is a fact. Dialysis began well, no hitches, and my numbers have, for the most part, improved beyond anyone's imagining this early in the game. I have the perfect job, that allows me to work FT from home, with my husband, and pays the bills and carries the exact insurance I needed. God is in control -- not Kelli. God has provided the environment and the tools that are needed, at the right time (not my time) to make sure I am taken care of. I hold onto that fact that lives will be touched through this process; Heaven will be populated- because I sat down 4 times a day, for 45 minutes and gave up control of my life.

And, really, I think that is the key.

God only gives us what we can bear -- and right now, the amount that I have been given has truly brought me to my knees.

What I need to remember, is that is exactly where I need to be.

How I spent my Super Bowl weekend!

You know how you can lay in bed at night, everything is fine ... and you feel it coming on.
The queasys.
You know, without a doubt that you are going to be sick. But, not right off. You're going to have to live a few hours knowing it's coming on. Anticipating. Like the opening strains of a song you remember the tune to, but not the words.
I consider myself a world-class champion when it comes to retching. After all, I spent both pregnancies hugging the Prince of Porcelain with hubby outside the door singing "a throwing up mommy is a healthy mommy". Cute the first time. But not after 18 months.
As a baby, Kati was the projectile vomiter in the family. She could hit a bullseye 20 feet away with no notice. Her pediatrician had an uncanny ability to sense it and kick off and away in his rolling chair just at the last minute. I, however, drove home many times in his spare scrubs.
Jonathan- well, his projectiles were more, well, southernly-directed. Like, all the way through to his footie pj's.
Any-who ...
Saturday morning I laid in bed thinking "no..no...no...no...". All the while my stomach kept getting more and more adamant about it's intentions. Sure enough, I woke up with just enough time to grab a towel before El Mexicano from the night before made it's re-debut.
Now, we have to be careful. I'm on s-t-r-i-c-t fluid restriction since my kidneys don't' process things like they should. I can only have 1.5 liters a day total. This may seem like a ton to some, but I'm a water-holic. Always have been. And now, I'm throwing it all up.
Bless his heart, John gets right on the phone with the doctor to see what we do to keep me hydrated. I love that man btw.
As I sense El Mexicano Part Deux coming, I yell to Kati to grab a bowl. She hands it over as Part Deaux erupts. I have never actually seen a human being turn green until now. It was amazing to watch her color change ... like a chameleon.
Needless to say, the day was spent sleeping and re-living El Mexicano over and over and over again. John relieved Kati of "puke duty", as she called it. I think he frankly didn't want to have to clean up after more than one of us.
Today is a bit better - well, the Colts won the Super Bowl, so it can't be anything but a GREAT day - although I'm weak as a kitten. Mashed potatoes never tasted so good today.
And that, is how we spent our Super Bowl weekend.
How about you?

Friday, February 02, 2007

Bloggity Goodness

Sarah wrote this wonderful post on motherhood that bears being printed, posted, magnified and memorized.

She has been given a gift that touches every woman with a child.

Did you hear me Sarah?? A gift :)

Click here to read My Tattoed Soul.

You will be blessed.

Anyone want some FREE stuff???

Then run over here, and check out the COOL contest at 5 Minutes for Mom. The prize is a lovely piece of jewelry from Alli's Originals!!

I mean, seriously ~ its a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.