Tuesday, August 01, 2006

It is Well ...

As most of you are aware, I'm walking through the process of life with End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD). Having had kidney issues of one sort of another my whole life, this feels like just another step.

At the beginning of the year, when we heard the words ESRD, dialysis and transplant for the first time, I cried. Bawled like a baby, right there in the doctor's office. I have kids, they need me. For a really. long. time.

For two months we avoided the "D" word, it was "out there- maybe 6 months or more". Then, in March, it turned into "now", "while you are still doing so well", "we can keep you feeling well while you prepare for transplant". Big breath. N.O.W.

The dialysis catheter was put in during April, and on May 8 went for training. I'm fortunate to have the best team- there is not only great medical care, there is relationship. I am trusting these folks with my life, literally. And they haven't let me down.

We are now at the point of looking at transplant donors. How do you ask someone to take that risk? The "what ifs" keep you up at night. There has been "robust dialogue" in the house at night, behind closed doors about this person or that person that has offered to donate. When someone offer you life, there is an overwhelming amount of emotions. Joy, fear, hesitation, jubilation, humility... I have taken the stance that I will not ask. I will trust God for His timing and direction. If I look back, I see the path He laid out for me, and so far, He has not failed me in any way.

Since I have no direct siblings, I have no viable family options for a donor. We are required to look outside. We have been blessed that a couple of people we know have offered and are going through the process.

We recvd another offer of life today that blew me away. Someone within my medical team offered today. The offer came out of the blue today, during a plain, old I-have-another-question-phone-call, with some simple, logical and loving words "Because, I like you. You need to see your kids grow up". It overwhelmed me that a complete stranger would offer me this gift. I was speechless and simply cried, right there on the phone.

Although there is some struggle with the realities of the overall picture, and my hope dims here and there, I am amazed again and again at what blessings my life have been given through this ordeal. It has opened some wider gaps in relationships, but overall created new bridges to people I would never have met otherwise.

I hold to the fact that God is in control, and people will be blessed. No one can walk this road with me and not be touched by the hand of Abba Father. I realize that now.

And so, I pick up my pack and trundle on down the road laid out before me. I've met all of you through this journey as well, and share in what God is doing, teaching, stretching and growing in all of us. I am nothing, but blessed.

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul


Blogger Addie said...

Well isn't that touching! How beautiful.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous sarahgrace said...

Wow! That is amazing! I will continue to pray for you and your donor.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

My husband has been where you are. He has periteniel dialysis now. I am glad God is moving people willing to donate to you. Hemo dialysis is no fun.

10:37 AM  

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