Friday, January 05, 2007

Just Me God

God,

It's me. Kelli. Down here in Montana. Bad news today, huh. Can't really swallow and process it all so I'm down here on my knees. I need to ask for some things- really specific things today. You know it's hard for me to ask for things for myself, but I'm here. Asking. Begging, please.

I need to live. I want to live. I want transplant. I want to see the kids grow, graduate and marry. Have their own families, be happy. I want to grow old with John. I made a vow to live out my life with him- he got the raw end for "in sickness and in health"- but I'm not really for the "til death due us part"- neither is he. But to do this- we need your miracle. Fast.

We need your resources, the fatted calf- your amazing touch. We need you to step in.

So, here is the list. I don't' think I've ever come to you with a list- but its the list we made and now I need you to know our hearts, our situation, our need.

- We need my company to keep me active and on our insurance until March 31

- We need for COBRA to come in at a monthly price we can afford so I have insurance for another 18 months

- We need John's boss to add more work to the queues so he is able to financially support us

- We need for the LTD Office to have a change of heart and not hold back our payments for 4 weeks, right when the COBRA payment will be due

- If we lose my insurance, we need to find a Medigap in Montana that will take me since I am under 65. I cannot find one yet.

God, without insurance, I will die. I will not get transplant. And we have about 6 weeks to figure this out.

I'm struggling with my ability to trust you in this and I'm crying out that you will give us peace.

I know you are able. but I'm so tired of being tired and afraid and streesed and crying that I just struggle to pray anymore.

Abba Father- I'm crying out for mercy and the ability to live.

37 Comments:

Blogger Barb said...

I'm praying with you, Kelli, with all my heart. I'm praying God will bridge the gap in the coverage.

I truly believe something will happen here and you will be OK.

I know you're frightened beyond my imagining. I'll also pray for God to calm your fears and let you function as these things get worked out.

xoxoxo
Barb

3:00 PM  
Blogger BooMama said...

I'm praying, too. For your peace and for His provision.

And I'm telling you - when I read about insurance stuff like this, it MAKES ME FURIOUS. It shouldn't have to be this hard, or this complicated, or this expensive. So I am really going to pray that you will get answers quickly about all of that...because I can't even imagine how nerve-wracking it is.

Hang in there, Kelli - I Samuel 2:1-10. Hannah said it better than I can.

Keep us posted...

3:36 PM  
Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I'm so glad you posted this--now I can hope with you and pray for you.

And like BM, I'm praying that you'll get answers FAST! And GOOD answers--a miracle, actually. That's what I'm praying for you!!

7:51 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

I'm praying with you Kelli. We had some disappointing news today about the sale of our house, and I felt so down. Now I feel ashamed of myself. We are truly blessed with all that God has provided for us. Your need is so much greater. I am praying that God will work in a miraculous way and do things you just could never even imagine. The God we love can do that - for with Him nothing is impossible. Nothing!! He loves you Kelli. He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. He has promised to help you. He will. I'm praying He does it in a way that will bring great blessing to you and your family and great glory to His name.
I pray He will wrap His great arms of love around you right now and comfort you.
I send you love and prayers Kelli.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Susanne said...

Kelli, I'm also standing in the gap for you. May you have faith and peace granted to you, fast answers to what you need. And a miraculous touch from Jesus the Great Physician.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I'm also praying as well...and it helped to have the list of specific things you need praying for. How absolutely frustrating about the insurance business though - praying that comes through for you so you have the coverage you need for a transplant. Praying for God to have calm and peace in your heart.

9:50 PM  
Blogger Brenda said...

Father,
Pour out Your blessings on my sister Kelli. Hear our prayers, Lord, and calm her fears.

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.

Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.
1 Chronicles 29:11-13

2:13 AM  
Blogger Tricia said...

Praying with you right now.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Hi Kelly - me again. I wanted to email this but you don't have one posted. Is there anything we can do for you in a practical way? Can we somehow help you out financially? We are certainly praying, but we don't want to neglect doing. Please let us know.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this Kelli. I will pray for you to have your miracles and I know God will be faithful somehow. Please know you have friends out here thinking about you.

2:08 PM  
Blogger PEA said...

I am adding my prayers to the others...my heart goes out to you in this very difficult time in your life. May God answer your cry!! Hugs xox

2:22 PM  
Blogger Gail said...

This is a big need but we serve a BIG God. He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think. All of my trials seem so small in comparison to your great need.I will be praying and will ask for prayer at my church in the morning.
I found you through Linda.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Big Mama said...

Kelli,I'm just now seeing this but wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. God will provide in ways that we can't even begin to imagine.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Mrs. C said...

Praying for the Lord to do a mighty work on your behalf.
There are people all over the world interceding for you!

Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

8:55 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...

Hey Kelli,
I had read your blog forever until you stopped posting for a while, I am glad Boomama posted this today so I could reconnect with you. I pray Gods provision for your life. I know he does give us the desires of our hearts. May God wrap you in his arms and give your family what you need.
Blessings Kelli

9:23 PM  
Blogger Liza's Eyeview said...

((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))

You're in my prayers.

3:28 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Lifting you up in prayer!

4:48 AM  
Blogger Theresa said...

Kelli, I'm praying for you and your family. I just started reading your blog a few days ago, and I just can't imagine all that is going on in your lives right now. Be strong. Trust in the Lord. He's the Master of every situation. Hugs and prayers!

8:18 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

Kelli,

I came here from Boomamas site, and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, I know first hand how powerful prayers from strangers can help! You are not alone, you have a whole group of wanderful people praying along with you!

God Bless you and your family!

8:22 AM  
Blogger Qtpies7 said...

Kelli, I heard of your blog through BooMama. I can't imagine facing leaving my kids. I will be praying for you.
Do you have donor match kits yet? There are many, many people here who will go get tested as a match, and I am voluteering. If you can find a match before your insurance runs out, wouldn't that be an amazing thing???! Let me/us all know if you can start finding a donor yet.
God bless you,
qtpies7

8:46 AM  
Blogger Ribbon Rock Star said...

Kelli, I will definately add you to my prayer list. BE STRONG and know that God is in control.

((hugs))

Linda

9:28 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Kelli,

Words are so empty, but my heart is full of these wishes and prayers for you.

I will pray for you tonight.

Hold tight to His hand, my sister in Jesus.

Becky

8:13 PM  
Blogger Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

Praying for you too...

(Here via Heather)

12:49 AM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Kelli,

I came here via "This Girl Becky"'s site and your story really touched me. I am amazed at the patience and faith you have! I can't even imagine how scary this must be. I will be praying for you, and I put a post on my blog directing readers here and asking them to pray for you as well. I will be checking often for updates!

Daughter of an awesome God,
Ashley

2:24 PM  
Anonymous eph2810 said...

Kelli - I am lifting you up in prayers...

(((hugs)))

9:16 AM  
Blogger Darlene said...

Kelli,

Iris (eph2810) sent me over here today. My heart and prayers are with you, but please don't lose hope that God is able to work things out and give you more than you even hoped for.

My comment is lengthy, but I hope that my experience may shed light in your dark moment.

My son was born with severe kidney problems. It started in the womb--but we couldn't see the extent of it until he was born. He had an extra uretor that was dangling and filling with liquid, ready to pop at any time. He also had a deformed kidney--part of which needed to be removed, but he couldn't have the operation till he was 10 weeks old because the risk was too high. So we lived in fear that the uretor would burst or get infected.

I know that the word of God is powerful, so I laid a tiny new testament on his tummy every single night. And I read the Bible to him, and I prayed--filling his spirit with all of the Lord that I could. Nourishment for the body and soul.

We were called in about a week before the operation telling us that there was a complication. The anesthesiest was concerned that putting him under for that long of a time had severe risks. We continued to pray and to give him fully over to God.

A few days before his operation, I sat in my livingroom, cradling him, when the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life took place. His face shone with the glory of God. I have heard of this happening in Acts to Stephen, and again I've heard of some people before death experiencing this, but I had never seen anything like this in my life. His face changed and the only way I can explain it is that it took on the characteristics of a father, as though he was comforting me.

I did find comfort. And the doctors did find wisdom and were able to successfully bring him through the operation.

About a day after the operation, I found myself standing in his hospital room with about eight doctors at 3 in the morning. His head was swollen and everyone feared the worst. I was later told by the nurses that no one expected him to make it through the night. I prayed the room walking around his crib and in the name of Jesus I prayed that harm would not touch my child, and he survived.

Today he is a 7 year old boy with an unusual spirit. Unusually curious about the things of the Lord. His name is Graham, and we've often referred to him as the three foot tall Billy Graham because his faith is amazing and unlike other children.

Please know that I understand your fear, and know that you are not in this alone. I will pray along with you that God will shield you under His wing, where you will find peace and strength, hope and healing.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Daughter Awaken! said...

Father,

Gently and totally comfort this sister of mine. Wrap your protective arms, your strong arms around this worthy family. Touch this sister, give her peace. May the wants of this family be taken care of, with Your grace & mercy. Breathe in your healing now Father.
In the name of Jesus.........amen & amen!

Continuing in prayer.......

5:33 PM  
Blogger Carol-Ann said...

Praying for you in Toronto with tears and love.

8:21 PM  
Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

From the Philippines, Kelli, Friday's Child will be praying that all goes well and that all your lists shall be fulfilled without hesitations.
My prayer for you will continue till I read that you're okay.

12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Kelli,
Found your blog from boomama. Praying hearty prayers for you from down under. I'm also praying that your unashamedness (if that's a real word) to show your real love of God and your heartfelt prayer requests to the blogging world will be a real witness to others.
Mel (I don't have a blog!)

3:43 AM  
Blogger Vicki said...

Dear Lord, we fall at your feet on behalf of our sister, Kelli, and ask for Your miraculous intervention in her life. Hear our prayers, oh Lord, and be glorifed in this situation. We know that Your eyes are on Your child, and that you love her deeply. Please bring her through this, Lord, in ways that will flabbergast us all. You are Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals.

Kelli, we will stand with you, pray, and wait on the Lord with you.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

You are in my prayers, Kelly, as you face this mountain. May our God give you peace as you wait for His answer.

3:44 PM  
Blogger Chrixean said...

I was touched by your prayer, Kelli, and my family and I will definitely intercede for you tonight before we sleep. The heavens will be stormed with prayers for the restoration of your health and for the Lord's provisions.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Dazd said...

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you and keep you safe.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Angela O. said...

You may already know this but these are a few things I've learned and hope they may be helpful:

Remember that you have a grace period to pay for COBRA after you elect it. But the insurance companies also do not have to extend the benefits until the premium is paid.

A 3rd party (like a hospital, etc) can pay the premium and some hospitals will to get their charges paid.

Hospitals/doctors usually will write off some costs if you state your case/argue with them.

The post op Rx--sometimes the costs are cheaper if the Rx are not administered via a doctors office but through a network pharmacist--your pharmacy benefit manager can explain better than I.

Montana has a high risk pool for those considered uninsurable due to medical conditions http://www.mthealth.org/

My thoughts are with you.

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Margaret said...

You have no idea who I am. Came thru to you from Rocks in My Dryer. You are in my prayers. God will bless you. I know He will.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Tasra Dawson said...

Prayers raised right along the others for your health, healing and financial blessing. Your soft heart is a blessing and your words have touched people's lives. He will come through on behalf of his beloved daughter. Do not fear. He will uphold you with His right hand.

2:26 AM  

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