Monday, November 13, 2006

Doom and Gloom Livin Out Loud!

This past week has been one of transition, in many ways.

I transitioned my job to a new manager to be able to go out on disability. The paperwork was filled out- "has a condition that can only result in death". That hurt. At least two of my employees have called to go through the process to see if they can donate a kidney. Overwhelming. Indescribable. Unbelievable. However, we still have a long way to go before this process is over.

In giving up my job, I started to fully give up on life overall. The reality is, this could be my last Thanksgiving, last Christmas. I may only see my kids turn 13 and 14. I thought about what the things are I want to do before I go. Things like take a cruise through Alaska, or take the kids to DisneyWorld. Things we will never afford to do. I thought about the $45K it has cost to keep me alive since May, just May. Where could that money be better spent on the kids. You know, I wallowed.

Then, I heard this.

Imagine this
I get a phone call from Regis
He says "Do you want to be a millionaire?"
They put me on a show and I win with two lifelines to spare

Picture this I act like nothing ever happened
and bury all the money in a coffee can
Well, I've been given more than Regis ever gave away
I was a dead man who was called to come out of my grave

I think it's time for makin' some noise

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

Think about this
Try to keep a bird from singing afterit's soared up in the sky
Give the sun a cloudless day and tellit not to shine

Think about this
If we really have been given the giftof life that will never end
And if we have been filled with living hope,
We're gonna overflow
And if God's love is burning in ourhearts, we're gonna glow
There's just no way to keep it in

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

-Steven Curtis Chapman

And I realized. This may be the last holiday I have with my family. Imay never see them graduate or hold my grandchildren That is true. But, rather than think about what trauma that is possible, I'm making lists of things I could do to make this special for the kids and hubby. Lasting memories.

I have my daughter coming home at Christmas to homeschool, and she is so excited. We get to volunteer together. Precious, precious times.

This is not about me, but about the things that God can do- will do- through this.

I invite each of you to approach each day like it is your last.

Hug your kids.

Pick your battles.

Share some joy with a stranger.

Make an impact for God.

Take a stand.

Live. Out. Loud.


Blogger Barb said...

Boy, Kelli. It's very very hard to read this. It's almost impossible for me to understand how you feel but I believe in my heart something will happen for you and this is absolutely not going to be your last holiday with your family.

This is so profound, all I can think to do is pray for you. And those two people who want to go through the process to see if they're a donor must be amazing people. You are blessed to know them but I'm sure you know that.

You're in my thoughts all the time. And my prayers.

2:12 PM  
Blogger BooMama said...

Bless you. Bless you. Bless you.

And bless your family, too.

That's all I know to say.

Ephesians 3:20

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As you may remember, but may not, too, that's OK, is that my hubby is living off of PD too.
It's been a year now, almost two.

On bad days I ask what's wrong and he says "Oh, I'm dieing."

Not funny. Not funny at all.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've been on my mind a lot lately, and I prayed extra hard for you last night.

I'm excited for you and your daughter. What a great kid! Uncommon for someone her age to be so thoughtful. My kids wouldn't volunteer even if you paid them to.

I needed this encouragement today. Thanks for being a blessing!

5:22 PM  
Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Praying hard for you.

What you've written is something we all need to embrace, diagnosis or not. Thank you.

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praise God For You!
May everyday give you millions of moments to rejoice! May you have No regrets! May you and your Hubby and daughters SING SING SING. And May GOD Bless you with more than you could ever expect!

2:19 AM  
Blogger Blessed Beyond Measure said...

Oh Kelli, how precious you are and you are the one encouraging all of us. Amazing!

8:44 PM  
Blogger RANDI said...

This is a very touching and encouraging post. None of us knows how many days we have--only God knows that--none of us has time to waste!

I will be keeping you in my prayers!

12:21 AM  
Blogger Susanne said...

I found you through my bloglines citing you as a related feed to mine. We all need to make this a part of the way we live. May I put you on my prayer list?

11:08 AM  
Anonymous MarillaAnne said...

Hey, just want you to know that I've seen how well kidney transplants can work and I'm praying for you and your future kidney.

Keep living your seconds!

have fun,

7:32 AM  

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