Hey batter, batter ... hey batter, batter ... SWING!
So, I'm home.
There will be no surgery today.
Since we started talking about this late Monday, I have tried to accept the deal. I have had long conversations with John and God, and myself at various times. And still. in the pit of my stomach I could not accept that this was the way to go.
On the way to the hospital today, I had a full-blown panic attack and just knew, knew, that this was not what was supposed to happen.
In.My.Gut.
I told John I couldn't do it. Well, actually my exact statement was "I'm not going to do it. I'm not."
Thus, as he was driving me to the pre-op appointment with the surgeon, I started making several calls to both my doctor (who was on rounds and had to be paged) as well as my PD nurse.
Options, There HAD to be options.
And there is one.
I will require me to be more fully and obsessively compulsive about three things:
1) My fluid intake. No more than 48 ounces a day. For someone who is considered a human faucet- this will be the hardest.
2) My weight loss. I need to lose 50 pounds for transplant. Alot of this has been added through fluid retention. If, when you were pregnant you had pre-emclampsia this is what I'm talking about. Stay Puff Marshmallow Man time, folks.
3) Exercise. We have committed as a family to walk at the park every day there is no foul weather- and at home with a DVD if there is. And, I need to make full use of the home gym we already have.
If I can do these three things, I stand a chance of staying on home dialysis and not going on hemo.
My body no longer can handle fluid intake, so unless I can control this, I cannot stay off hemo.
I feel like, in my head, I have turned a corner this morning. I have been scared half to death of something I didn't ever want- and it may be the catalyst I need to get moving again.
When I do things right, my numbers look great. When I don't, they don't.
When I feel good, I can get lazy. I need to remember that when I am feeling great, it is for a reason and not get lazy.
I told you, God has to use the 2 by 4 on this stubborn brain sometimes.
Batting practice is now over.
We return you to the regular game in session.
There will be no surgery today.
Since we started talking about this late Monday, I have tried to accept the deal. I have had long conversations with John and God, and myself at various times. And still. in the pit of my stomach I could not accept that this was the way to go.
On the way to the hospital today, I had a full-blown panic attack and just knew, knew, that this was not what was supposed to happen.
In.My.Gut.
I told John I couldn't do it. Well, actually my exact statement was "I'm not going to do it. I'm not."
Thus, as he was driving me to the pre-op appointment with the surgeon, I started making several calls to both my doctor (who was on rounds and had to be paged) as well as my PD nurse.
Options, There HAD to be options.
And there is one.
I will require me to be more fully and obsessively compulsive about three things:
1) My fluid intake. No more than 48 ounces a day. For someone who is considered a human faucet- this will be the hardest.
2) My weight loss. I need to lose 50 pounds for transplant. Alot of this has been added through fluid retention. If, when you were pregnant you had pre-emclampsia this is what I'm talking about. Stay Puff Marshmallow Man time, folks.
3) Exercise. We have committed as a family to walk at the park every day there is no foul weather- and at home with a DVD if there is. And, I need to make full use of the home gym we already have.
If I can do these three things, I stand a chance of staying on home dialysis and not going on hemo.
My body no longer can handle fluid intake, so unless I can control this, I cannot stay off hemo.
I feel like, in my head, I have turned a corner this morning. I have been scared half to death of something I didn't ever want- and it may be the catalyst I need to get moving again.
When I do things right, my numbers look great. When I don't, they don't.
When I feel good, I can get lazy. I need to remember that when I am feeling great, it is for a reason and not get lazy.
I told you, God has to use the 2 by 4 on this stubborn brain sometimes.
Batting practice is now over.
We return you to the regular game in session.
posted by Kelli at 11:02 AM
34 Comments:
Stay strong. Im praying for you.
I'm praying hard!
You're one tough lady! I'm praying for you, honey!
You sound like you're at peace with this decision and that is the important thing! I'm glad your dr was able to give you another choice/option so you didn't have to go that route this morning. Good luck on following your 3 important rules; I'm praying for you!
I had pre-emclampsia my child was born too early. I am going to pray for you. For the loss of water retention, and your fluid intake. Hang on girl we are covering you.
I am so relieved you didn't have to go through that today.
I deal with fluid retention and am on a diuretic (keep the BP down) but nowhere near what you have to endure. I can't imagine how uncomfortable you must feel, short of breath, and so on.
I will keep praying and keep checking back.
I'm glad you're going with your instinct, Kelli. And I didn't know you had any options other than the hemo, so this is great news. Piece of cake, girlfriend. We'll give you all the encouragement you need.
You're one tough lady so you can do this. I've been thinking about you constantly today. I was concerned about the ordeal you'd go through today but I really felt bad that you were going to have to make that ridiculously early drive three times a week for the hemo.
So this sounds good. I know you'll do what you have to do so you can continue dialysis at home AND I know that if you put your mind to it, that fifty pounds will melt away.
Good for you, Kelli! xoxoxo
Trust your gut. If hemo feels wrong right now, it probably is. Either way, you need to feel like you made the best decision. Prayers for you and your family!
Tammi
Looks like you've found "Do What We Gotta Do" mode. Good for you! You can do ALL THINGS, you know.
Will be praying...
I'm praying for you. YOU CAN DO THIS!!
You'll be fine.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
You can do it! Thank God for the option!
Good luck! Praying for you to exercise...if you do it, I will too...good goals! Love and hugs...Tam
Sophie and I LOVE to walk!!
Do you go to RiverFront park?
Do you ever go to our (beloved) little zoo?
Call us!
We'll walk with you!!
:)
Love,
Tara Barthel
(& Sophia Grace)
Go with your gut! Stay strong.
Hang in there, Kelli! Praying for you.
You definitely need to do what your spirit and gut are telling you. Hang in there. You can do this. Praying for that water retention and we're right here cheering you on.
It is so good to know you didn't have to go through that today. Obviously the Lord knew that you needed another option--so He must know you can handle it and you can do it!. Continuing to pray...
Kelli, I'll be praying for you through this journey. Keep your chin up.
My mother was on dialysis for many years, long before it was well known and as successful as it is now. I pray for you every day. Think of the stories you're going to have to tell your grandkids!
Mary
I'm so happy to come here and find an update. Have you ever heard of the Leslie Sansone walking DVD's. They're really great - she makes it fun, you can do them in even a small family room, and you really burn the calories. She has them in 1, 2, and 3 mile segments I think. Promise - she makes them fun, or at least bearable. xoxoxo
I can't remember how I found you, but I wanted to let you know I and the ladies at my church are praying for you.
I was sad to hear that I didn't read of your surgery in time to pray for you during it, then I learn that you are pursuing other options!
You are in my prayers and if you would like some company and accountability, join our "walk" over at my site.
Wow! You have got one incredible story.
I'm amazed.
Okay kiddo, you can do this. I've been praying and praying for you as have so many others, so I believe this is what the Lord wants you to do. So...He will help you. I think it will also help to get your husband involved. It's so much easier when you aren't doing all that dieting and exercising alone. I'm going to pray that you will just sail through all of this. Who knows, you may even enjoy it because it will make you feel better.
I'm believing God and I'm believing in you!!
Dear sister,
Just know that you are being lifted up before our Father's throne of perfect grace and peace. I've posted your story on my prayer request blog...so we're raising you UP! One with you in Spirit, you are not alone.
Love in Christ...who is our LIFE,
Kari
I'm so glad there's another option! This one will probably help you feel more in control, too--you and God:)
I'm praying for your three things!!
Sending love from TX :)
Sometimes you just have to trust your gut, and it sounds like you have options, although they require dedication. My husband is diabetic. He's only 39, but he has a strong family history of diabetes on both sides. We do the same thing of fighting with everything we can do to keep him off of insulin, which gets subtly suggested at his appointments. When he gets the exercise, though, his numbers are good.
Blessings to you and hang in there!
Okay, now that you're truly "in the game", so to speak, I'm wishing you the best of luck with your goals! You can do anything you set your mind to!
Please know that you remain in my prayers!
Have someone read thie entry to you every day. With God's grace you can do and feel your best.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you.
Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers....keep us posted.
edith
www.photogal938.blogspot.com
It sounds like you absolutely made the right choice for YOU! That is a good thing.
God Bless,
Frannie
praying for you girl!!!!
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