Living in Grace

A Little Bloggity Housekeeping

2007-04-18T15:56:00.000-06:00

We've moved!

Please updates your Bloglines and Google Reader feeds to livingingrace.typepad.com

Can't wait for you to join me !

Wait for it....

2007-04-06T22:51:00.001-06:00

5... 4.... 3..... 2..... SUPRISE!

I've Got A Secret ....

2007-04-06T18:22:00.000-06:00

... but you'll have to come back in a bit to hear all the details ...

Updated There Has To Be a Sitcom In Here Somewhere

2007-04-04T13:00:00.000-06:00

Great things to update:

1. The initiation transfer was finalized with the new medical team today! Hooray! I see them on Tuesday of next week (3 hours in, 3 hours there, 3 hours back) but that's fine. They have taken over immediate jurisdiction of my supplies, so I can get the stuff I needed right away. This eliminates the issue of the current team here not approving those supplies for "business" reasons.

2. Although I won't see the actual Dr. until May, we will still do blood draws et al next week to make sure all is still stable. The fatigue and malaise do not appear to be related to the anemia, as my count was actually up to 10.4 (not quite 11, but better than 9.2 on the 19th). So, we are all just watching things for now and see how it plays out. Somehow, just knowing I have a responsive team behind me is doing wonders in itself for my mood.

3. We have learned how truly spoiled we were in Billings with being "in town" to the full hospital. We are now considered "rural clinic" based due to the initial choice to team with the local Dr. here (big, BIG mistake) - so being tied to another hospital based team will certainly have it's pluses ... even if we have to drive in. I always knew that my MT team covered all of Montana, Wyoming and South Dakota but never realized all those people had to drive in monthly for care. Now, I realize why it's worth the drive.

Things are swinging back to the better.

As always, though -

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot,

Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blessed assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me preface this by saying, there is now another place on my list of "Places I Will Never Step Foot In". And that place? Our local Emergency Room.

See, we live in a ~~Party~~ Resort destination. We are currently enduring, er- enjoying, seven straight weeks of Spring Break heaven. Right here in our front yard. That should have given us some clue when packing up to the head to the ER On a Saturday night.

I normally dialize from 10pm - 10am, so at 8pm when we walked out the door I knew I had to be home by 2am. That's the longest I can carry my dialysis fluid in me at one time. So, off we went.

When I checked in (after waiting 20 minutes for someone to come off break to check us in), I let her know the situation. No problem!!

We had a seat, and got comfy. And then started the show.

Ladies and Gentleman, It's Saturday Niiiiight!

The first act of the evening was a group of, well, influenced teenagers who brought in a buddy with a bum ankle. Loud, swearing, er .. under-dressed even for our warm weather and rambunctious. We endured anatomy lessons from ill-fitting tops and short shorts (even on the matriach of the group who looked to be around 60) and wheelchair races in the lobby.

For.four.long.hours.

Finally, their friend came back with a splint and a pain killer- feeling better than when he came in. And we knew it all the way through the building and the parking lot.

Then, came "The Damsel in Distress" complete with one high heel shoe, and an ace bandage on the other ankle. Her knight carried her into the waiting room, the injured leg daintely lifted straight up, perfectly manicured toes pointed daintely. She mumbled something about falling over a beer bottle and her prince took of, once she was settled in a wheelchair. Throughout the next two hours we watched her charm various men in the waiting room to push her wheelchair to the Vending Area for sodas.

The rest was a mixture of the normal party injuries- wrists, ankles etc.

After 6 1/2 hours, I got called back to Triage, then moved to a room. Where I sat. And sat. And caught up on anything People or Entertainment Weekly related published in the last 8 months or so.

Two hours later? Nothing.

At this point, I was overdue to drain and dialize so we checked wit hthe nurse to get an ETA on the Dr. , Physicians Assistant or frnakly the Janitor coming in to say Hi.

Two.hours.

At least.

So, we chose to go home. I figured not dialyzing was worse than whatever is wrong with me- fever and all. We thought about going back today, and decided to wait.

The Dr. currently on call for my care doesn't take calls after hours. Really, he doesn't. According to the service and the nurse? If she can't help me, it's off to the ER.

The plan now? Hope like crazy the paperwork for my transfer to the new group goes through fast, and then drive 3 hours to see them this week. At worst, I think they would admit me for iron IV's. Since I have lost total faith in the medical community in our area, it's a gamble I'm willing to take.

I'm just thankful it's me that needed help and not one of the kids. That would have been a whole different kind of post.

It's Raining ... It's Pouring ... The Old Man Better Wake Up Fast!

2007-04-03T23:55:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a humdinger of a week. Ya' know -

* Being sick and all ...

* Accumulating 17 hours waiting in the ER to be told, "See your doctor next week, you should be fine..."

* Waiting around for contractors whose live by the (apparent) town motto of "Whenever" ...

* Being robbed...

Yep.

Robbed.

And it's only Tuesday.

It appears our garage was broken into at some point while we were enjoying our visit to the ER. They took an automotive blanket that John had put under the car to protect the new cement floor, and loaded it up with an extensive portion of his expensive tools. They took alot of loose tools, and at least one complete drawer of his actual tool box (with tools).

Since we are nowhere near unpacked, and most of our stuff was stored in boxes in the garage, we aren't even sure what else is gone yet. Over the last two weeks, we've been through some of the boxes, so they were already open and easily accessible.

Ugh.

So, on top of everything else on the list o'things to do tomorrow, we've added:

* Go through stuff in garage and try to remember what was in the boxes, tool chests, etc.

* Call police and file report.

* Call insurance and file claim.

The worst part is most of what we easily identified as missing was the set of tools my dad gave John before he passed away. John is heartbroken over that- he loved my dad like a son.

Of course, the kids are shook up and worried they will come back and try to get in the house.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

ER on a Saturday Night - what could be more fun

2007-03-31T20:57:00.000-06:00

For the last three days, I've been feeling sortof out of it. Rather like a case of mono coming on- can't think straight, stay awake. It all hit the wall this afternoon and I had to take a nap.

The frustrating part of the treatment since we moved here, is I don't really have a "doctor". Everything goes through the PD nurse. If they cannot figure it out, they refer you to the ER.

So, we are changing facilities which will benefit us in two ways:

* They will keep me on the prescription for dialysis that is finally working (after a year of trial and error). The current group makes it's decision based on their business model, and my current prescription is not cost effective.

* I will have a full team again of care, including a Dr. that will take emergent calls after hours.

This transition will mean we drive to their office once a month, 3.5 hours each way, but it seems like a worthwhile investment. Especially tonight.

But, I digress.

I'm off to the ER, and will most likely be admitted overnight for an iron infusion (another part of my treatment that this current group stopped cold. It's been a month since I had any iron.) My iron levels are below 9.2, when they should be at least 11.

I realize I only have to get through this next week until the transfer of my care is completed to the new group, but it's seems like forever when you're not feeling good and no one seems to care.

Be good, internets- as Boomama would say.

See you on the flip side.

Personal Journal- The Road to Transplant : Day One

2007-03-26T14:44:00.000-06:00

I'm starting this side journal of postings to document my road to transplant. Nothing really interesting for most, but I am one who needs accountability. So, this will be my Accountability Journal.

When I started dialysis, I gained 40 pounds in 3 months. Bam! See, I dialyize with sugar water, believe it or not. So, it's like me sitting down to a bag (or ten) of Snickers every. single. day. Dialysis and an apple and I have my caloric intake for the day.

Its been tough getting any of the weight off, since I have had to use the higher concentrations of dialysis fluids. But, we seem to have found away around it now and so I have to work to get this off. Transplant requires certain things, and a weight range is included - but, if course.

That being said, I hired a personal trainer- Kathy. We have a home gym, and a pool but darn if I can't find 100 other things to do every day that use it. Sound familiar?

I talked to her last week, and decided to have her over to the house 3 times a week to make me work out. The best part is, she's affordable. She charges for one. whole. week what trainers normally charge for one.whole.hour. Yeah! And the second best part? She's not a WorkOurBarbie. I was ready to hate her before she showed up today- but Ireallylikedher. I do!

I may even keep this up!

Today we did some paperwork, figured out an eating plan and did 45 minutes of exercise. I actually sweated! We worked out with resistance bands, tubing things and a 6 pound weight ball. Considering I carry 8 pounds of fluid in my abdomen 24 hours a day for 24/7 dialysis, it's like being pregnant for, I don't know, YEARS. But the good news is - there no cursing, not even in my head.

To top it off? We just got back from The WalMart, where we bought a reasonably priced treadmill. She mentioned cardio 5x a week, and come summer ? This child is going nowhere near the outdoors, where it's literally 120 in. the. shade. Thankyouverymuch.

This is the hardest part of the journey for me - spending money and exercising. Paying money TO exercise, in my own home- well, thats a huge step.

Can someone give me a Hallelujah?!

2007-03-24T16:17:00.000-06:00

Study: Chocolate improves blood vessel function

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (Reuters) -- Chocoholics were given further reason to rejoice Saturday when a small clinical study showed that dark chocolate improves the function of blood vessels.

While the researchers cautioned against bingeing on bon bons, they said the findings of the trial were clear and called for larger such studies to confirm the results.

"In this sample of healthy adults, dark chocolate ingestion over a short period of time was shown to significantly improve (blood vessel) function," said Dr. Valentine Yanchou Njike of Yale Prevention Research Center, a co-investigator of the study.

The results, presented at the annual American College of Cardiology scientific meeting in New Orleans, Louisiana, add to mounting evidence of the health benefits of dark chocolate.

During the six-week trial, 45 people were given 8 ounces (227 grams) of cocoa without sugar, cocoa with sugar or a placebo each day.

An upper arm artery's ability to relax and expand to accommodate increased blood flow -- known as flow mediated dilation, or FMD -- was measured using high-frequency ultrasound before and after daily cocoa or placebo consumption.

Of the 39 subjects who completed the trial, FMD improved significantly in both cocoa groups -- by 2.4 percent among those who had it without sugar and 1.5 percent among those who had it with sugar. It dropped 0.8 percent in the placebo group.

"While the findings from this study do not suggest that people should start eating more chocolate as part of their daily routine, it does suggest that we pay more attention to how dark chocolate and other flavonoid-rich foods might offer cardiovascular benefits," Njike said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, if they could get those same study results with Diet Coke.

Doctor? Doctor?

Anyone ?! .....

The Second Most Important Call To Date.

2007-03-24T15:42:00.000-06:00

When I was growing up, I wondered if I would ever have children. Doctors ran constant tests on me that contained words like "nuclear medicine" and "radioactive dye". I had a few miscarriages and thought that was it. Then I had Katie, and 14 months later, Jonathan.

When I got married, the first year was hard. To the point where we separated for abit. There was growing up on both sides that needed to be done. And I learned the harder lesson that sharing your marital issues can color people's perceptions of your mate once things are ok again, even when they are awesome. Some things are never forgotten. But, I have now have a marriage that goes beyond anything I could have imagined is possible in life, and a mate that meets almost every need I have before I ask. We anticipate each other now.

When I was working out of home I wanted success, promotion, security for my family. John had his career, had reached the pinnacle of his craft and was ready to retire as a FT stay at home dad. I gave up precious years with the kids in chasing my "dream". 5 years ago I joined a company in my arena PT just to "see how the business model" was working. I sensed that home-shoring (home-based customer service agents) was the next wave of call center work. 3 years later, I was asked to join FT as a manager. I realized my dream to work at home, and home school my kids. This same company has met our family's every need since the day I was diagnosed. Every. need.

When I went in for an annual physical in February of 2006, blood was run. And my kidney failure was found. I would not have seen the Dr. for my bi-annual checkup for at least another 9-12 months. It would have been too late. I was referred to the exact team of specialists, which the exact temperament and treatment personality that I needed.

When I started researching Transplant Units, I scoured the Internet and read every graph, chart and statistic on every hospital I deemed worthy of treating me. Because, it's all about ME in this case. Every 1% failure rate is one more person that dies. So, it MATTERS. Somehow, I missed the best hospital. But, my doctors did not. They know who I needed to see.

And today, 12 months after diagnosis, tests, calls, visits, stress, letters, more tests, and presentation- we got the call.

THE call.

The SECOND best call we can get.

I am now on the national list for a donor.

Today. March 19, 2007. One year and 10 days after I had surgery for implantation of peritoneal dialysis catheter.

If you are interested in becoming a living donor, please go here and read important information. Several organs can be donated prior to death, including kidneys.

Also, please go here and think about becoming an organ donor upon your passing.

On behalf of the thousands waiting for a chance at a longer life,

THANK YOU.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Life is like a box of chocolates.

You scratch the bottom, expecting one flavor and bite to find the truth. It may not always be the flavor you expect, but in the end, it's the one you need.

Addison: Urgent Prayer

2007-03-22T12:06:00.000-06:00

Update from Sarah ... Click Here

This is from Bev's blog:

Sarah phoned me from the back of an ambulance, asking me to post this on my blog because she's away from home. Addison was diagnosed with RSV a few days ago, has been on breathing treatments, and seemed to be doing better.

Apparently last night she started having more difficulties. When Sarah took Addison to the doctor this morning, he sent her straight to the hospital. She was receiving a breathing treatment on the way. Sarah suspects pneumonia, but I've yet to hear anything more since Sarah saw the doctor.

She just asked me to let you all know - Addison needs prayer again. If you have a minute and can put this on your blog, this Grammy would feel better knowing Heaven is being flooded with requests on her behalf. I'm sure Sarah and Chris would too.

There goes my tail again... Oh bother.

2007-03-14T18:01:00.001-06:00

Most days, I'm Tigger. Full of optimism, organized, witty and on top of things. Lately, about the last month or so, I've been more Eeyore. Scattered, heavy-hearted, under a constant black raincloud.

I know that part of it is losing the control of having my job, and not being able to be "needed" somewhere. Weird, because I home-school two of the best kids in the world that I love to death. But, I'm used to balancing so many balls- and now, ahem, I'm ball-less.

This move has left me unsettled. I know, through the prayers and answers we have received, and the path that laid out before us that is was the right move now. But, leaving all that is familiar, including the medical team that I adored, is hard. I've met the first of my new team- and I am not thrilled. Talented, able but cold, business-like. Efficient. I don't do that well.

I have slipped, here and there, into mild depression over the last few months but have always slept it off and moved on to the new day. Now, I can't.

The talons of being unsettled, of living in constant anticipation of the next thing to go wrong- has begun to wear on me. This month has been a joyous one of miracle after miracle- but has come attack after attack. My shield is dented, folding and my sword arm is tired. Putting one foot in front of the other is tiring, cumbersome. Literally and figuratively. I cry more, and easily. And that, is not my way. I will not be a victim.

Today brought more devastating setbacks in the transplant area. Phoenix will not accept me. The nurse I had initially talked to, who did the full (or what we thought was the full) initial process, missed a few steps that evidently fully disqualify me. That wasn't so much the issue today (although it was a kick in the gut), as the way she said it. She was chipper and cold at the same time. Very efficient. "We cannot even work you up. Good thing you have Denver in your back pocket". Dismissed. You are the weakest link. Byebye.

I do still have Denver, and I don't see us moving too much closer to them, as we are ok where we are- and know this is where God wants us for now. I'm reading Beth Moore's Get Out Of That Pit - and fully focused on slipping in through circumstances and people who push you in. Timing- right?

Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. Tired. In need of something going right. Just one day. Just one.

I've struggled with even posting as I like to do it once I've learned the lesson. I want to share the journey of our trip here. But, I find myself focusing on the events of what went wrong and it no longer strikes me funny. Even though we laughed all the way here. Depression is scary. And I'm trusting that God continues to hear me, and maybe someone has some directional signs from having been here before me.

Blog Party!! Welcome to Our Blog

2007-03-11T12:00:00.000-06:00

Welcome To Living In Grace!

We've been moving across 5 states in the last week,
but feel free to look around and see the fun things around here!

I'm just a stay at home home-schooling mom of two young teens,
who is waiting for a kidney transplant.

Posts to start with:

My Story, Part 1

My Story, Part 2

Other Bloggitey Goodness:

Read this ....

Or this ....

And there is this ...

I'd love to know you stopped by, so leave a comment
and I will be able to come and visit you as well!

It's all about meeting new friends!

Since you've asked ...

2007-03-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

So many of you have emailed asking why we decided to move ... right now ... with everything going on. So, here is the scoop!

To be on "the list", the transplant list - there are a ton of requirements from ability to pay, health requirements, but also locale. We need to be able to get to the center within "x" hours should I go on the cadaver list and get a donor from someone who has lost their life. Although we are trying for a living donor transplant, we are also going to get on the list for cadaver as well.

The country is divided into a bunch of UNOS areas (UNOS is the organization in charge of distributing available cadaver donor organs to hospitals). from what I understand, you can list at two hospitals as long as they are in different UNOS regions- as are Phoenix and Denver. This gives us double the chance as a donor organ- which is important in the tight availability of organs that are introduced through the system.

We have had concerns since listing with Denver that we would not be able to get there in "x" hours as needed if/when the time comes. Especially in the winter with the weather. Should I not get the last flight out, we would have to drive 12 hours in bad weather with no guarantee of arriving in time. The same with Phoenix- that is a 3 day drive, not quite "x" hours we needed.

So, we made a huge decision to move more central to both. Since I am on water restriction and inevitably don't handle heat well from a hydration standpoint, it made sense not to go too far south into the brutal heat. We landed about 4 hours north of the worst part of the heat. Still hot, but more manageable for me.

We have been researching this for a few months but I was too nervous about leaving my team of specialists for a new crowd. I'm very loyal and frankly, spoiled by them all. However, they understood our concerns and found me a great team here in our town. The Dr. just moved here to establish a practice, and there is a large population of PD Dialysis patients here in the state. Its a mecca, of sorts. Odd, but true.

I have to admit, adjusting to a larger town is hard on us right now. It's crowded, and more intense than anyplace we have lived in a very long time. We have been blessed to be able to live "out of town" for years now- at least to the point of having our space and quiet. I am happy that, other than gas prices (don't get me started), the cost of living is actually better here all around for us. And that helps in the saving-for-the-transplant-costs-part-o-things! God is good. God is faithful.

I miss my left-leaning trees already, but after having one last hoo-rah snow storm the day we were to leave, I'm ready for some sun!

This move has taken a ton out of me- emotionally and physically. I'm be catching up on all 389 posts in my bloglines over the next week or two and sharing all the hilarity that was our ~~short 3 day~~ almost 7 day road trip. Oh my word. It was not to be believe. I do believe Murphy rode right along with us. Every darn mile.

To all of you that have emailed or commented your concern, jokes, support, notes of Hello and How are ya-- thank you. Email will be caught up soon, I promise. But it may be a week or more. Ack, but you all have been busy!

So Take The Road Home ... la la la la ... take the long road home ...

2007-03-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

We are here. Safe. Exhausted.

3 extra days on the road.

Skunks.

Fish.

And a flat tire.

Oh- and the phones are dead.

So, I'll leave you with that for now, and will post a day by day journal once I can sit for more than 30 seconds.

I swear the Box Salesperson promised these were self-unpacking boxes.

Hmpf.

Lazy. Every last one of them.

Updated But, of course this was bound to happen ...

2007-02-27T13:55:00.002-07:00

Just a quickie update ...

If y'all could be praying for me. I've been feeling abit rundown the last couple days, assuming it was from the stress of the move prep.

Now, I'm running a so-far low-grade fever which could mean the flu ... or a kidney infection. Either is the last thing we need right now.

I need to be on my feet to drive for three days. And I don't need an infection. I'll take the flu, a fast case if need be. I haven't had an infection in years; so I'm hopeful that, at least, is not the issue we are dealing with.

Internet goes down for the trip soon. I'll update if anything is solid one way or the other before then. Otherwise, it will be hit and miss with WiFi as we go.

Well, off to take some Tylenol and go to bed.

*Update: This morning I had an earache and sore throat so YEAH!! It's a cold or something (I can't believe I'm fairly excited here folks) ... So, off to the store for one of the few drugs I can still take and then down with the internet til the 9th. Thanks everyone :)

In Honor of my 20,000th Visitor .... 20,000 things about me!

2007-02-27T13:55:00.001-07:00

Joking!

But, you were worried, weren't ya!

Seriously, we will be without internet until March 9th when we get settled into the new house. The move was required by the Transplant Center- something about length of travel for a cadaver donor transplant, if it comes to that. You got to be there f.a.s.t!

So, we are packing up the Uhaul and saying goodbye to our dream home in Montana for abit. Well, at least 12 bits (months) or so.

Sad.

But, it's a shot at life.

So, we are taking it.

I'm sure there will be at least 8,000 posts to catch up on once we are online again, so please - nothing too wonderful between now and then!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the meantime .... let's celebrate ANYWAY!!!!

If you would be so kind, can you leave me a comment with your worst or funniest moving story?

Once we settle, I'll get up the emotional courage to write allll about this move for you. It's been laden with more twists and turns than the grandest ole' wodden rollercoaster.

20,000 comments would be ... well ... awesome! fantastic! (Boo, have I annoyed you enough yet?) ... but, highly unrealistic. Maybe a few less than that.

So... go on! De-lurk in the spirit of movingstresssisterhood. Dare ya!

Just Giggle ... Giggle If You Want To ....

2007-02-23T20:34:00.001-07:00

Go Ye into the World....

2007-02-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." - Mark 16:15

When I was 16, I was called to missions. I spent the summer of my 17th year in Europe with Teen Missions doing evangelical work and almost spent my 18th with The Continentals doing the same thing. At 19, I felt led to go to Australia with YWAM, but I was not allowed the opportunity because it was "too far away". I sit back at times, and wonder what things would have been like had I been allowed to go.

Kati is my oldest. My first. My only daughter. She is DLP- daddy's little princess. She is most like me.

I have not always given her what she needs in terms of being mothered. I worked outside the home until she was just out of 6th grade, so dad took care of her and her brother during the day times. The last two years have brought about a stronger bond between the two of us that I cherish.

I tend to not smother her, suffocate. I refuse to "be one of the girls" with she and her friends and they appreciate that. It didn't work well for me growing up, so I'm trying not to pass it on. I let her have opinions, ideas and try to support her in what she wants. In doing this, I remember- as does she- that I am her mother, and not her friend. Someday, when she is older, if things work out right, we will have the chance to be friends rather than mother and daighter. There is a time; there is a balance.

This means there is conflict between us at times, but afterwards, there is discussion and unity. It's been hard since she got "hormonal", teenager-y, woman-ly. But, she has this place in my heart that beats so loudly in my ears. She is a mini-me. Headstrong, loving, confrontational, impatient, tender, caring, compassionate, nurturing, funny, witty. smart and lovable to her bones.

Other than wanting to be a vet through the age of 7, she has had her heart set- passionately- on traveling the world. That world. The big scary one, full of war, conflict, terror - and as she puts it- lost souls. What started as a passion for art, writing and travel (that girl can write, let em tell you) has developed over the last year into a desire for the mission field. In Africa. A-f-r-i-c-a.

It takes my breath away.

She will be going on her first missions trip this summer, locally to Mexico, hopefully with our new church. Then, next summer- God willing- the plan is more, well, far away. Maybe Peru, or India, or Panama, or .... with Global Expeditions. Although she just turned 14 and is chomping at the bit to go this summer, we have a few things on the plate. Transplant and all. Selfishly, I told her I want her here to be with me through surgery, should it come this summer. She gets it. So, we look to next year.

Her current studies include the current Physician's Desk Reference and Civilian Under Fire: Humanitarian Practices in the Congo Republic. Heady stuff for a 14 year old, but she laps it up. Her one grandfather was a doctor. The other, a missionary every day he woke up and took breath to anyone that he came in contact with. I think she is the best of both of them.

I know that I have two options here:

1) Hold her so tight, that she resents it and rebels. Potentially walks away from the things that God is laying on her heart. Her destiny.

2) Loosen the strings ever so lightly, pray like crazy, so she can grow, learn, mature, decide, buy-in, get with God's program for her life.

No matter what she decides, I'm behind her. I will not stand in her way because I'm uncomfortable. Because I don't want what I want. I want what God has for her, what she wants. There is no I in her destiny.

She is mine, because God gave her to me. I am here to help her grow, to help her hear God's voice and support her in those things that she decides to do with what God has given her.

Even if it means holding back tears while driving her to the airport on some not-so-distant day, watching her take her passport and ticket, maybe her husband and my grandkids, and go off to her mission field. In Africa.

They don't know the blessing they have on the way now. Do they?

How do I Love Thee ...

2007-02-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

Note: we don't celebrate Valentines around here anymore. For the most part, it's because our anniversary is on the 10th. The other part? We love on each other all year. We don't need a date :)

How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways ...

I love you .. cause you asked "Hey, why don't you run errands alone today? I'll keep the kids.

I love you ... cause I was afraid to drive down our hill in the snow.

I love you ... cause you offered to drive me down our long, steep hill and walk back up.

I love you ... cause you then drove me all the way to the main road- 2 miles.

I love you ... cause you walked back 2 miles in the snow and cold.

I love you ... cause the last thing you said to me, before you hiked home was ....

Take. Your. Time. and GogetyourhaircutmaybeevengetlunchsomewherebutTake.Your.Time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That is why I love you. 'Cause you show me in little ways all year, that you love me.

A Special Valentine

2007-02-14T12:25:00.001-07:00

Lord ...

Just a note to say Thank You, and I'm Sorry.

I forgot. I panicked. I got angry, because I was scared.

~~~~~~~~

For everything that fell apart this week,

for everything you put back together, better...

~~~~~~~~

In one moment you reminded me,

You Hear Us Cry.

~~~~~~~~

In one phone call you reminded me,

You are in Control.

~~~~~~~~

Through one person you reminded me,

You Love Us.

~~~~~

My forever Valentine.

I"ll bet you didn't know this!

2007-02-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

Melanie, a sweet friend who comments regularly, created this post in honor of National Organ Donor Day today ... I'll invite each of you to read it.

Although I've been signed up as an organ donor since I was 18, I know I couldn't have said it better!

Isn't it awesome that National Organ Donor Day falls on Valentines Day!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Bloggity Goodness

2007-02-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

Make sure you click on the picture, to read the story. Here.

Faith Lifts - Courage Awards

2007-02-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Sarah, from In the Midst of It , was interviewed for the Courage Award at Faith Lifts today.

It's a thought-provoking post that you need to go here and read :)

Off to do Anniversary things y'all.

Have a blessed day!

Because You Complete Me

2007-02-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

John and Kelli

February 10, 1990

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill,

We've shared our strength, and we share it still,

It hasn't been easy to make the climb,

But the way was eased by your hand in mine.

Like the lake, our life, has had ripples too,

Ill health and worries, and payments due,

With happy pauses along the way,

A graduation, a raise in pay.

At the foot of the slope,

we will stop and rest,

Look back if you wish, we've been truly blessed,

We've been spared the grief of being torn apart,

By death or divorce, or a broken heart.

The view ahead, is one of the best,

Just a little further, and then we can rest,

We move more slowly, but together still,

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill.

-PC King

I love you.

No matter what.

Forever.

End of s.t.o.r.y.

Although I hate pancake syrup ....

2007-02-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

... I can take this kind o'sweetness all day long:

Jonathan (mind you he's almost 13):

"Mom, do you need a hug? Cause ... I know a guy......"

America's Most Wanted ... here I come?

2007-02-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

So, it started out with a list of errands. Go here, go there, run in, run out.

Then, we hit #4 - drop off the gold-plated copy of my birth certificate that the Social Security office required to determine I was really disabled enough to stay home.

First of all, we get directions - the Social Security office is located downtown in the new Federal Building, across from Lincoln Center. Oh, yeah, of course! Whatever.

So, we go downtown and try to figure out if the Fed is at 4th and 29th, then which one way streets will get us there the fastest with a shot at hitting the parking lot the first time out. See, in Billings? The parking lots are one-way along with the streets, Ikidyounot.

After seven, count them people, s-e-v-e-n failed attempts to getintheparkinglottherightway ...we landed a spot on the curb. With a meter. And zero.no space to parallel park correctly. Now, I drive a mid-size SUV and have the parallel parking skills of any good driver raised in Los Angeles (translation - I don't parallel park).

Then, John had to discuss (noticed I didn't say "we" had to discuss) whether I was really correctly parked at all. Frankly, it was take to spot or throw the birth cert out the window and hope the magic social security fairy delivered it to the right person.

We fed the meter (10 cents for 18 minutes- I mean, how long can this take?)

Now, before I proceed let me say I am a world-savvy traveler. Because of various things I've done, including the line of work I have been in, I have traveled excessively through both domestic and international airport terminals- even since 9/11. I know how to fit everything, including shoes, briefcase and laptop in one container, feed it through, get me in and out through security without breaking a sweat. I laugh at those who stand in line staring blankly at the rules of security, when they first realize they have to remove shoes and jackets- and realize they didn't shave under their arms, have on a tank top and holey socks. Yep. Priceless. But, I digress.

We walk in the door. Of the Federal Building. In Billings, people. Billings, MT.

I throw down everything to the x-ray tote and fly through the metal detector, scoop up my sunglasses and keys from the x-ray as it sails through and head for the Social Security door in front of me.

"Ma'am".

"Ma'am?"

"MA'AM!!" (click)

"K-E-L-L-I!!!!!"

Clueless, I flip around and see the guard staring me down, with one hand on his hip placed on his gun. The "click" I heard, faintly in my brain? That little snap that holsters that fine piece of gun-ness.

Oops.

"Ma'am, you need to sign in please".

Oops. Again.

Never thought the guy at the desk had a purpose.

After asking to see my photo ID, I turned about 14 more shades of red, cause I didn't think to bring my wallet in with me. So, I was escorted to the security section to wait for John. Hmpf.

After seeing how long the line was, I was sent out to get my ID and feed the meter some more.

This time through, the metal detector goes off. Huh?

Nothing changed- and the only thing I can think that it's the dialysis catheter. The one that is, well, not placed for human viewing.

"Anything metal on you?"

"Well, I have a dialysis catheter".

Silence.

"And, can you show it to me?"

"Well, it's ...."

"Just point- I'll scan you".

And I'm through.

And other than that, it was uneventful - except for the 65 year old who almost clocked John. See, he thought we were #2 and we were #4. And he tried to go to the window in front of her. Yowsa!

As we walked out, John mutters to the guard (out of hearing) "You've been blogged". I luvs that man!

After a few more unexciting stops, we headed to the salon to get John a haircut. Since we had a few things to do in the area, I dropped him off and kept going. Well, I mean, I came back and all. I didn't, you know - leave town.

When I got back to the salon, I grabbed one of the only open seats in the waiting area- next to the door. And with one empty seat between myslef and anotehr older lady. Wait, she was old, I am not. Not "anotehr" older lady, like I'm old.

No one asked me if I needed help, and for some rweason the lady next to the empty chair got leary. She asked me "Are you wating for a haircut" three different times. I wasn't I contiunually reassured her, John was- although we had not spoken when I come in- him being fully engrossed in the latest Road and Track review of something expensive. Yes, that is why he gets his hair cut there. Road and Track in the waiting room.

SO for some reason, my presence set her on edge. She casually reached over and got her purse, then put it in her lap. Asked me again- maybe I need a haircut? She even tried to get the attnetion of the receptionist.

It would be wrong of me to not say, out loud, that I Was enjoying every minute of it. People cna be fascinating at times= and for the life of me, I cna't figure out what made me look so meancing.

She got called in, and John hopped up and sat next to me. I told him, and we both got a nice chuckle out it.

When she left, I did make it a point to say "goodbye" and "have a wonderful afternoon". I mean, really- we need to be polite.

Somehow, we managed to get home without arrest or high-speed chase.

Just another day in the life o'Bonnie and her man Clyde.

Y'all Only Have 12 hours to think CHEAP and FUN !

2007-02-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Shalee has come up with this great idea for Valentine's Day!

Hop over here and take a look ~

This is an awesome-y idea from our very own Shalee's Diner, of course.

So run over and get all the details-

then get ready for some awesome-y ~~cheap~~ inexpensive

date ideas for the upcoming Day O'Love!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!

Tuesday, February 6th :)

Rock on Shalee, Rock on!

Control ... and lessons learned

2007-02-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

*This post was first published in the Summer of 2006. But I had a deep need to to dig through to find it today. It reminds me of what God is doing, and of what He will do. In strange and miraculous ways beyond our comprehension. I hope this touches you where you are today. No matter what your circumstances.

Websters defines control as " To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; direct". Those the know me well may define me as the same.

I have an in-bred desire to control the things around -- my career, my teenagers, the weather, the way others drive around me ... the list goes on. I value knowing how things should go, to the point of finishing others sentences at times. These are things I am aware of, and work on constantly.

When life throws you a curve, like say, kidney failure and daily dialysis ... you lose "control". You are tied to a process 4 times a day for 45 min or so each, where you cannot do anything but sit and wait for it to finish - you cannot make it go faster, although I swear that focusing on it will in fact make it go slower. There are times when the dialysis fluid is draining out of that bag, that gravity itself comes to a stop and all downward motion ceases to exist within the walls of this house.

Travel becomes more difficult- and we are a traveling family. Not just because we have moved 23 times in 17 years (yes, we actually sat down and counted it a few nights ago) but we are day-trippers. We love to get in the car, kids, dogs, lunch and map -- and just go! We have seen alot of things we never would have stumbled onto on those trips -- and created more memories with the kids than we ever expected.

Let me count how many day trips we have taken since this started .. well, there was the time we ... no, that was in February ... oh yeah, we ... no -- that was in December. Hmmm - we haven't done anything day-trip-ish since this started.

Waiting for the results of a whole lot of blood drawn is not fun either --- what will be up, down, not changed, new meds. more meds, IV, oral --- change change change ....

I'm the organizer --- taskmaster ---- keeper of schedules, places to be and lateness-detererrer. The first to volunteer or go if I'm available. If there is free time to go see something new, I have the keys in my hand and a homeschool project in the offing ...

Until now.

We just moved into our new home - which sits on 20 acres on a mountain (thanks God!). However, after 23 moves, this was the first "stressful" move I've encountered. Why? Because I cannot lift, and I have no energy after about 1/2 hour. I had to "sit" while everyone else stepped up and packed, staged, moved, loaded, unloaded and organized. I had to "sit" and watch -- from the sidelines, and feel totally, completely, truly, deeply useless. I can honestly pack out a house in 48 hours - I'm that good. John is the loaded / unloader. That is our way, its the way we survive.

However, this time was different. If I could go help, then I realized I couldn't because I would have to be back too soon to do another dialysis exchange -- after lifting a small box, my anemia would kick in and remind me that I'm not supposed to do that by taking every last once of energy away from me in a heartbeat.

So, I sit alone in an empty house and get mad. Angry at the reason I'm sitting here, angry at God for not healing me in the 41 years He has had the chance to, angry that I don't feel better despite the large number of drugs I take every day, angry I can't swim this summer because of the risk of infection to the catheter, angry I can't lose weight because of the stupid sugar in the dialysis solution that seems to suck into me and double in caloric value every day, and then -- I realized something. I am useless - but,

I am loved despite everything.

I have a wonderful husband who has stood by me through:

Removal of a kidney
6+ mis-carriages
2 c-sections
Hysterectomy
Kidney Failure and Dialysis

And he loves me.

With every box he packs, lifts, loads and unloads to organize and put away -- he is showing me my value to him. That my existence here to him matters --- my uselessness is really in my head. He loves me and values me enough to step in and do it all - 18 hours a day, and not complain

My kids love me.

With every bag they bring, and exchange they demand to help with, they show that this process keeps me with them another day. They have been amazing through this whole experience and remind me that God is in control.

My God loves me.

I was not planning on going to the Dr., not this Dr. But I did, and he ran a test that showed us what was going on. He referred me to the BEST specialist, with the BEST team. I've met the rest of the practice -- I know this is a fact. Dialysis began well, no hitches, and my numbers have, for the most part, improved beyond anyone's imagining this early in the game. I have the perfect job, that allows me to work FT from home, with my husband, and pays the bills and carries the exact insurance I needed. God is in control -- not Kelli. God has provided the environment and the tools that are needed, at the right time (not my time) to make sure I am taken care of. I hold onto that fact that lives will be touched through this process; Heaven will be populated- because I sat down 4 times a day, for 45 minutes and gave up control of my life.

And, really, I think that is the key.

God only gives us what we can bear -- and right now, the amount that I have been given has truly brought me to my knees.

What I need to remember, is that is exactly where I need to be.

How I spent my Super Bowl weekend!

2007-02-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

You know how you can lay in bed at night, everything is fine ... and you feel it coming on.

The queasys.

You know, without a doubt that you are going to be sick. But, not right off. You're going to have to live a few hours knowing it's coming on. Anticipating. Like the opening strains of a song you remember the tune to, but not the words.

I consider myself a world-class champion when it comes to retching. After all, I spent both pregnancies hugging the Prince of Porcelain with hubby outside the door singing "a throwing up mommy is a healthy mommy". Cute the first time. But not after 18 months.

As a baby, Kati was the projectile vomiter in the family. She could hit a bullseye 20 feet away with no notice. Her pediatrician had an uncanny ability to sense it and kick off and away in his rolling chair just at the last minute. I, however, drove home many times in his spare scrubs.

Jonathan- well, his projectiles were more, well, southernly-directed. Like, all the way through to his footie pj's.

Any-who ...

Saturday morning I laid in bed thinking "no..no...no...no...". All the while my stomach kept getting more and more adamant about it's intentions. Sure enough, I woke up with just enough time to grab a towel before El Mexicano from the night before made it's re-debut.

Now, we have to be careful. I'm on s-t-r-i-c-t fluid restriction since my kidneys don't' process things like they should. I can only have 1.5 liters a day total. This may seem like a ton to some, but I'm a water-holic. Always have been. And now, I'm throwing it all up.

Bless his heart, John gets right on the phone with the doctor to see what we do to keep me hydrated. I love that man btw.

As I sense El Mexicano Part Deux coming, I yell to Kati to grab a bowl. She hands it over as Part Deaux erupts. I have never actually seen a human being turn green until now. It was amazing to watch her color change ... like a chameleon.

Needless to say, the day was spent sleeping and re-living El Mexicano over and over and over again. John relieved Kati of "puke duty", as she called it. I think he frankly didn't want to have to clean up after more than one of us.

Today is a bit better - well, the Colts won the Super Bowl, so it can't be anything but a GREAT day - although I'm weak as a kitten. Mashed potatoes never tasted so good today.

And that, is how we spent our Super Bowl weekend.

How about you?

Bloggity Goodness

2007-02-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sarah wrote this wonderful post on motherhood that bears being printed, posted, magnified and memorized.

She has been given a gift that touches every woman with a child.

Did you hear me Sarah?? A gift :)

Click here to read My Tattoed Soul.

You will be blessed.

Anyone want some FREE stuff???

2007-02-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

Then run over here, and check out the COOL contest at 5 Minutes for Mom. The prize is a lovely piece of jewelry from Alli's Originals!!

I mean, seriously ~ its a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.

Here's to Tom, Oprah and ..... ME!

2007-01-29T09:17:00.001-07:00

When I turned 18 (very important detail, folks) , I was told we were going out to dinner and a movie. We stopped at the local McD's- my parents and I and my best friend for "something to drink on the way". Yeah- right.

Turns out the whole lot of my friends were there and we were having a McParty. Not only did we all have to sit in the floor to play games, but we ate Happy Meals and had the perfunctory McCake- all shaped up and decorated like a Big Mac.

Then, there was my 20th birthday. I was at Bible College. I came home from a friendly dinner out with my parents and a frined named Bill- see Bill is exactly 50 years older than I. We celebrated out birthdays together for years. And yes, Bill is still around - and will be getting a phone call here in a bit! But, I digress.

I arrived back at the dorm room to found out that turning 20 at the dorm was a right-of-passage. And as much as I would like to share the details- my blood oath forbids it. I will say it did not involve any alcohol- and nothing too illegal .....

Then came 25- all a blur because I was getting married 12 days later .... 28 I had a brand new baby .... 29, another one on the way ....35, I frankly don't remember .... and now 42.

Times flies when you are having fun.

Here is to all the January 29 babies ..... Bill, Tom Selleck, Oprah Winfrey and WC Fields and the rest.

In reflection of the last week, as I look to the future ...

2007-01-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

- MercyMe
Bring the Rain

Ok, I admit it.

2007-01-27T15:45:00.001-07:00

THIS is the level of music video that we have reached in a house with a 12 almost 13 year and 14 year old.

Somehow- it tickles me to death.

And yes, this is loaded on my every mp3 player in the house.

And that, my friends, is ....

But of course it is .....

2007-01-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Exalted Highness Duchess Kelli the Contrite of Dramble Buzzcock
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

*snort*

(now, I was raised with better manners, but Barb started it- oh yes she did)

Now, go grab your piece o'the aristrocratic pie.

Hey batter, batter ... hey batter, batter ... SWING!

2007-01-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

So, I'm home.

There will be no surgery today.

Since we started talking about this late Monday, I have tried to accept the deal. I have had long conversations with John and God, and myself at various times. And still. in the pit of my stomach I could not accept that this was the way to go.

On the way to the hospital today, I had a full-blown panic attack and just knew, knew, that this was not what was supposed to happen.

In.My.Gut.

I told John I couldn't do it. Well, actually my exact statement was "I'm not going to do it. I'm not."

Thus, as he was driving me to the pre-op appointment with the surgeon, I started making several calls to both my doctor (who was on rounds and had to be paged) as well as my PD nurse.

Options, There HAD to be options.

And there is one.

I will require me to be more fully and obsessively compulsive about three things:

1) My fluid intake. No more than 48 ounces a day. For someone who is considered a human faucet- this will be the hardest.

2) My weight loss. I need to lose 50 pounds for transplant. Alot of this has been added through fluid retention. If, when you were pregnant you had pre-emclampsia this is what I'm talking about. Stay Puff Marshmallow Man time, folks.

3) Exercise. We have committed as a family to walk at the park every day there is no foul weather- and at home with a DVD if there is. And, I need to make full use of the home gym we already have.

If I can do these three things, I stand a chance of staying on home dialysis and not going on hemo.

My body no longer can handle fluid intake, so unless I can control this, I cannot stay off hemo.

I feel like, in my head, I have turned a corner this morning. I have been scared half to death of something I didn't ever want- and it may be the catalyst I need to get moving again.

When I do things right, my numbers look great. When I don't, they don't.

When I feel good, I can get lazy. I need to remember that when I am feeling great, it is for a reason and not get lazy.

I told you, God has to use the 2 by 4 on this stubborn brain sometimes.

Batting practice is now over.

We return you to the regular game in session.

Ok, not the fashion statement I was hoping for....

2007-01-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

I have been on home peritoneal dialysis since May 8, 2006.

This involved having a 2 foot rubber tube setup surgically implanted next to my belly button. About a foot of it hangs out. It's lovely, really- like the umbilical cord was never removed. It SCREAMS "hey look at me" when on occasion it falls out of it's secret hiding place and swings around my knees at the WalMart. Really, it does.

Well, NOW ... since I've conquered my fear of looking like an elephant gone wrong in public, and because frankly there was this little thing about my dialysis not working anymore -- causing me to lose another 50% function of the remaining kidney -

I get to get one of these :

The bumpy part on the right in the middle is the "cuff" - all the tubing on the left of the picture will be inside the jugular near my heart (yeah- thrilled on that note) while the lovely blue and red ensemble will dangle softly from under my collarbone and lay on my chest:

Can you say TLC'S WHAT NOT TO WEAR people????

We're thrilled to pieces, we are- the kids can't wait to see how I manage to go into public without drawing stares galore (they are young pre- and teens, ya know) and frankly, I'm lucky to walk and chew gun at the same time without falling over. Now? It's a sitcom waiting to happen.

And J? He's threatening to put in RV hook-ups to attach me to in the bedroom. Now THAT folks is dedication and love personified. Jealous, arent you? I know you are.

I'll be having emergency surgery to input this tomorrow morning at 12 noon MT here at Deaconess Billings, and will be there 'til Thursday or Friday. They will be doing hemodialysis to make sure everything is in sync. Then, we start the regular routine of Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday with a 3-5 hour dialysis session at the hospital every week. And did I mention the ONLY opening they have is 7:15am. I mean, holy strawberries batman! We're in a jam. ACK!

So it will quiet around here for a few days in this corner of the blog-o-sphere. Frankly, I hadn't planned on celebrating the ole celebration de' birthday at DBC. I thought a nice dinner and seeing Happy Feet or Marshall would be abit more fun. But, I'm learning to celebrate those birthdays any way I can :) 42 of 'em baby! 4-2.

J has sworn to give Boomama a call with updates, if anything happens. But, heck! God's over this whole thing. So, hopefully, it's all quiet there, too.

Y'all have a great week :) See you in the funny papers.

WOW ... doesn't start to cover it.

2007-01-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Back when BooMama contacted us to do the "For Kelli" fundraiser, her goal was to cover at least the first months COBRA payment.

As the date approached and hit, several of you emailed her that you were hoping to raise at least the first year's COBRA payments.

Well, the numbers are in and ..... we didn't hit the one year mark .....

However!

What y'all DID do, was raise THE FULL 18 MONTHS worth o'payments.

We cannot even BEGIN to express our sincere thank you for the chance at life that you have given me.

There are no words.

Things that make you go ... aaaaaah

2007-01-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Here's the scene J and I encountered at Michael's Crafts today---

Scene: Young mom holding sleeping newborn boy, standing next to young husband:

Wife: I can't believe he's finally asleep

Husband: Here, I'll take him and drive around in the car. You stay here, shop AS LONG as you want. Call me on the cell when you're ready to leave.

Us: They'll make it.

I'm Dying..... LITERALLY

2007-01-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Now that I have your attention ...

click here before the panic in the streets starts.

It will all make sense soon, young padawan.

How Do I Even Start?

2007-01-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

*Updated :
9am MT
Friday 1/19/06
$9160. has been raised

It started with an email from Boomama.

Now, we have emailed some in the past (especially about some granola) and the fact that we have both been in Louisiana and love the same things: The Walmart and The Stein Marts being two.

This email was different.

To catch some of you up to current events, recently I had posted this, then this and then in full meltdown - this. And finally, once my brain came back into focus, I posted this.

During these posts, Boo and I exchanged emails and comments.

And then.

She had a nudge from God. She wanted to do something -and so she stepped up to God's nudge and ran with it. She had faith.

At first, we were the hesitant ones. we are the helpers- not the helped. We have not laid this on anyone because it is "our way". And God? He gently said this to us when we prayed- "Get out of MY Way, please." Let me bless you. And we did.

We have been overwhelmed and blessed beyond anything we imagined. Financially- , I think everyone has seen the fruits of that. Emotionally, we have been overwhelmed with support, peace, prayerful covering. Physically- its been a good few days for me. We'll take those when they come. As well, there have been several offers from people willing to be a living kidney donor, a quilt is being made, and most importantly the prayers of people I will never meet this side of heaven. As I told Boo several times yesterday and we talked on the phone- what a love a thon we will have in heaven.

Hundreds of you posted Shannon's "For Kelli" button on your blogs. I will never be able to find all of you and say THANK YOU. So- THANK YOU.

Susie from Bluebird Blogs is donating 20% of her business for January 11th - 21st. She does bee-u-tee-ful stuff folks. Go here for details .... THANK YOU.

All day yesterday, Boo and I kept saying over and over - What do you say? HOW do say anything more than THANK YOU. It seems so poor and inadequate. I can NEVER express what all of you have done for our family in ways I don't think we can even begin to realize

Bottom line is folks- I am speechless.

Bloggityville is a family, a community of (to quote Boomama) the most.awesomest.internets.anywhere. I'm honored to know each one of you.

And that is a place you rarely, if ever, find me.

I think this says it in ways I cannot:

Lord I wish I could praise
You with adequate words
But You leave me speechless
And I so long to sing
You the song You deserve
But it would be endless
I long to move Your heart,
to bring You something new
To tell how great You are
'till my praise to You...

Is like the ocean breeze
blowing on Your face
Like a summer sun
with its warm embrace
Like a gentle rain
plays a symphony
That's what I want my praise to be
Like a fragrant rose
in the early spring
Like an eagle soars
when it spreads its wings
Whatever Lord
You may need from me
That's what I want my praise to be to You

Psalms 115:1 everyone .... and Thank You.

Also, please - be praying for Emma Grace and Ashley They need us to stand shoulder to little shoulder with them.

URGENT Prayer Needed - Thursday morning

2007-01-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

**Updated Thursday morning- Emma Grace has been admitted to ICU. Go here for details. her heart may be failing. We need to pray now.

Please go read this right now and then go here and pray as well - pray hard. Ashley and Emma Grace need us to storm the gates of heaven right now.

Lord,
Be with both of these familes and touch Ashley and Emma Grace. Heal their hearts. Hold their families in the palm of your hand.

Thank you, Abba Father.

Monthly Update

2007-01-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

Looks like we are increasing dialysis now.

My numbers have gone awry again, in a much bigger way. Specifically:

BUN is up to 101 (should be 75 maximum) - this is the poisons not processed by the body
PTH is up to 6.6 - this means calcium is being leeched from my bones into the blood, due to a lack of Vitamin D production (i.e. bone disease)
Red cell counts are at 9.9 (minimum 11)

Basically, I've lost a percent or two more of my own kidney function (we've been holding at 13.4%) so we will need to manually dialyize to keep things moving.

It's all good.

A Friend Needs Prayer Today

2007-01-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

Please join me in praying for Barb and Rob. Rob is having shoulder surgery today. You can find the details here.

This is My Story, Part 2

2007-01-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

*Part 1 can be found here ....

I was pregnant again. We were in shock and the Dr.'s were not thrilled. Having just had major surgery, there was little to no chance of the baby surviving. And 7 weeks later, we were in the throws of another emotional miscarriage.

At this point, we thought we were done. I knew I would never carry a child to term.

The Dr.'s put me back on birth control pills to regulate things out, and we moved on. Slowly and painfully. To be honest, our marriage barely survived at this point. We were both so broken emotionally that we could barely function ourselves, let alone support each other. It was alot in the first 2 years of marriage. It was like living in a tsunami wave that just hit you wave over wave over wave for months and months.

The spring found me pregnant again- much to my shock. We counted, 4 weeks, 5 weeks, 7 weeks, 10 weeks, 13 weeks. At 13 weeks we allowed ourselves some hope- and at 16 weeks we told our families. The pregnancy went fine until what we estimated was week 40 and I developed pre-enclampsia. I gained 20 pounds in fluid from Thursday to Tuesday and continued to gain. All told, I gained 60 pounds in two weeks and needed an emergency c-section. Kati was born at 9:10am the next morning. 5 weeks early. They had my due date completely messed up- but she was fine.

Jonathan came along 14 months later- a text book pregnancy. Our family was complete.

Unlike most pregnant women, I had no bladder or kidney infections during this time. In fact, I was fine until a single blood test during a routine yearly physical in January of 2006 should "something amiss" and I was referred to a specialist.

My remaining kidney had failed to 13%. I had just turned 41 the day before.

With Calmer Heads Prevailing

2007-01-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

First of all, I have been overwhelmed with peace in the last 24 hours. I stood back and took a breath, and felt the support of the prayer support going up around the country. Your emails and comments have been a touch of grace for us.

Here, for those of you that have asked, is the layout of our battle over the next 6 weeks or so, tied into how the whole "eligible for transplant" process flows- as I understand it. There is an entire team in Denver, at Porter Adventist, that handles this- but these are the pieces I am aware of at the moment.

First, I have to be accepted as a viable candidate. This involved a recommendation from my nephrologist, visits with each person on the transplant team - Nurse Coordinator, Surgeons, Financial Coordinator and Social Worker. This was done in September. PASSED.

Next came the tests- 29 vials of blood, EKG, Stress Test, Mammogram (joy), Pap Smear, Hepatitus Vaccine Series, and a bunch of other vaccines. PASSED.

Fast forward, slowly, to now.

I have passed all the tests and will be presented by Karen, my Nurse Coordinator at this month's review. All of the transplant teams have to review each file and all sign off as OK. This way, no one can recant later and say "I would nto have operated on her". The biggest obstacle is that I need to lose some weight for the procedure, but can be approved for the list while that is continuing to move along.

Once that is done, and I'm "on the list" then we look for a living donor. I need a donor with a or 0 as a blood type, no high blood pressure or diabetes. The good news, well the GREAT news, is that Medicare covers the donor medical at 100%. we simply need to pay for airfare and hotel stay. The procedure for the donor is pretty in/out. The technology is basically like sucking it out with a straw. Well, not literally- but that is how it was explained. Basically a very short recovery and the donor is home in days.

Once on the list, I will be eligible for a cadaever donor as well, but prefer a living donor only because a living donor kidney lasts an average of 15 years- longer that a cadaver. At my age, if all goes as planned, I will only have to do this twice in my life. The match for living can be more precise as well, for medical reason that are way too hard for my brain to comprehend, due to things that can be done ahead of time to prepare the two people for success.

Either way- it's life. And a gift that no one can fully fathom. I can't even fathom it- even from where I sit.

The other more exciting and terrifying aspect we have to deal with is the financial end of it. I currently have Medicare which will cover 80%, and private insurance which covers 20%. We still have some costs involved-including 1200./month of anti-rejection meds post-surgery. We are dealing with how that will be covered, but have time to save.

The issue now lies within the private insurance. I am due to lose my insurance, unless we can cover COBRA in February. My work has told me they will keep me on as long as they are allows- they have been amazing through the entire process. I have been there three years, and its a fast growing company. But, we are family and they are trying to help where legally possible. John contracts with them as well, so they seem to have a vested interested in us. Praise God.

If I lose my insurance (COBRA rates being too high) then we will have to show the ability to pay the 20%, even if over time. No one can give us an actual amount, which I can understand, but the rough figures are $50-100,000. Choke. Without the ability to show that, we are a no go.

So, the big and the small of it. The very big.

Oh- and did I mention Kati needs a root canal not covered by her insurance? and a crown.

We are laughing all the way to the bank.

And continue to pray. Hard. That God will reveal His Plans abit faster, if possible. But in the meantime, know that we are awash in your prayer and support. It's an oasis in the world of melting down.

We thank each of you- our church family, friends, sisters and brothers.

Just Me God

2007-01-05T12:30:00.001-07:00

God,

It's me. Kelli. Down here in Montana. Bad news today, huh. Can't really swallow and process it all so I'm down here on my knees. I need to ask for some things- really specific things today. You know it's hard for me to ask for things for myself, but I'm here. Asking. Begging, please.

I need to live. I want to live. I want transplant. I want to see the kids grow, graduate and marry. Have their own families, be happy. I want to grow old with John. I made a vow to live out my life with him- he got the raw end for "in sickness and in health"- but I'm not really for the "til death due us part"- neither is he. But to do this- we need your miracle. Fast.

We need your resources, the fatted calf- your amazing touch. We need you to step in.

So, here is the list. I don't' think I've ever come to you with a list- but its the list we made and now I need you to know our hearts, our situation, our need.

- We need my company to keep me active and on our insurance until March 31

- We need for COBRA to come in at a monthly price we can afford so I have insurance for another 18 months

- We need John's boss to add more work to the queues so he is able to financially support us

- We need for the LTD Office to have a change of heart and not hold back our payments for 4 weeks, right when the COBRA payment will be due

- If we lose my insurance, we need to find a Medigap in Montana that will take me since I am under 65. I cannot find one yet.

God, without insurance, I will die. I will not get transplant. And we have about 6 weeks to figure this out.

I'm struggling with my ability to trust you in this and I'm crying out that you will give us peace.

I know you are able. but I'm so tired of being tired and afraid and streesed and crying that I just struggle to pray anymore.

Abba Father- I'm crying out for mercy and the ability to live.

Please Pray *Updated

2006-12-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Updated: Casey was pounding on the door about 11:30 last night. Cold, wet, excited to be home. It was fortunate, as we got another 5-6 inches of snow overnight. We are not sure where he was, but he was on the end of our bed all night. Never even moved. And, he wouldn't go out this morning. Without one of us to chaperone. Thank you everyone!

It's dark here now, and we had quite a snow storm.

The problem is Casey the Wonder Pup, our 6 month old Golden Retriver, ran off this afternoon and hasn't come back yet. He has never done this- but the deer and the turkeys are out, so I'm sure he ran after something wild and feathered.

We live in a hilly area covered in pines , with huge gulleys around us. We ran Search and Rescue until dark, to no avail.

The kids are distraught and honestly, I don't think he will survive the night in this cold.

Please pray he comes home, or someone takes him in.

Those Mice ... Those Men!

2006-12-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Those Best Laid Plans ......

As things would have it- stuff happens.
And happened.
And ... happened again.

Part I is done. In the can. Finito!

Part II is still sitting undone.

Part III is still sitting undone.

And, to top it off, I just realized
I hit the "100 post" mark ... so that is undone as well.

And life happened.

Sigh ....

So, we interrupt this wonderful programming for ... L.I.F.E.

We hope to resume our regularly schedule programming next week.

If L.I.F.E cooperates.

ha!

Whatcha Mean- only 48 hours left ?!

2006-12-22T15:58:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of suite101.com

In honor of the upcoming celebrations, and the fact that I am miles behind on preparations-
oh yeah
and it's pouring buckets o'snow out there and the kids are dying tohave an all-out snow ~~war~~ fight-
I'm wishing you all the best, most blessed Christmas.

May God bless each of you and those around you in miraculous ways.

For unto us is born this day, a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Btw, due to popular demand - "Part 2" will be up and posted Tuesday
- so bop on over and catch up on
"This is My Story- Part 1"
and then come on back Tuesday for ...
some more of the story!

Thursday 13

2006-12-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Random Thoughts from Our Corner of the World

1. God is awesome. Yeah- big news, I know. But, every once in awhile, He needs to remind us.

2. Food is good. Now that I am hoping going "on the list" soon, I need to buckle down and get in shape. So, I'm enjoying the ~~yummy yummy~~ bad food all I can until January 3. Diet buddies welcome! Just leave a comment below :)

3. Speaking of food, I learned that you don't eat the fire wings with chapped lips. Never.Not.A.Good.Idea.

4. Fire wings, however, are great for teaching dog not to beg.... moving on

5. My daughter is a master-Christmas-decorator-in-the-making. She took over all the decor plans for this year, and did an amazing job. Considering I was never allowed to touch the tree- past putting it together and getting the lights on until I was married and had my own tree -it's a step in breaking-the-cycle that our family truly needed. (note- I still had to get the tree up and the lights on. That may never end.)

6. BooMama's Tour O' Christmas was a huge success - and if you haven't been through it all, click here and have a big jug of coffee ready. Some amazing stuff out there. And I'm stillllllll looking.

7. Addison is eating Cheerios. May not seem like a huge thing, but it will be once you go here and read her story!

8. I'm finally getting caught up on my favorite Blogs. I only have, hmmm, 300+ left to read. I feel soooo behind on everyone's lives right now.

9. I finally took the plunge and went over to the new Blogger. So far, so good. And, I can comment on those blogs that were in beta I couldn't beforehand. So, warning! Danger, Will Robinson! I'm coming, I'm commenting and I'm on my way to your blog!

10. Jonathan and Kati are both homeschooling now, so life got busy after my "retirement" from work the first of November. It's a hoot, and we are having fun. Yes, I do believe I used the words teenagers and fun in the same paragraph. Wow.

11. I'm attempting to make a "Paula Deen" Christmas this year. Everyone revolted and wanted ham- so no Prime Rib for me :( I have never cooked a ham, in my life). So, I dug up the Paula Deen website and figured- heck! Might as well make an entire dinner from scratch- not one recipe I have ever made before.

12. This may be the year the family kicks me to the curb. Referring to #11. I adamantly bought no "backup food". It's all in and all out. Should be fun. And may solidify the prime rib back to the menu next year- hehe.

13. I want to wish you all the very best, most wonderful and blessed Christmas ever this year. May the joy of this season surround each of you and yours throughout the coming year.

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All those wasted, wasted years of piano lessons ...

2006-12-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

In catching up on my fav blogs today, I saw this at ChiliHeads. It's hysterical ...

Now, come on y'all- go on over with me.

I need to watch it.

Again.

and again.

and again.

Day Two of the Torture Test

2006-12-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

If you look at yesterday's post here, today was about the same - adding in a lovely stroll through the park on a treadmill at an 80 degree angle and a few miles per hour pace.

Geesh- I figured out why it's called a "stress" test.

But, it's over!!

And ...

I PASSED!!

I'll be presented for transplant candidacy next month.

Well, if Denver digs out that is.

Thank you again everyone!!!
___________________

Barb, love you- please stay toasty and in.side.

Day One of the Torture Test

2006-12-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

www.celebration.com

First of all, I'm alive.

Didn't think that would be an option by this time tonight, but so far so good!

Today started abit badly, we got up late (John's excuse? The alarm clock didn't take me seriously after I hit snooze the fourth time....) then the mad rush starter ... and ended with us calling the clinic 5 minutes before showtime to let them know we were really, truly, honestly still coming. (Hint- never try to drive over 30mph if your spouse has her heels firmly implanted in the ground)

After arriving and donning the lovely paper gown ensemble' , the technician came in to inject me with "isotopes". (Translation- big, hunking needle that was as big as the palm of my hand). Then I was left to sit, alone, to ponder my fate for over an hour while the "isotopes" meandered to my heart.

67 minutes and several bouts of nausea later, we went in for the test.

In a nutshell? Big, white, stark room with big ugly machine. Leering at me. I swear to you I heard it laugh at me.

Like James Earl Jones.

he he he he .... come here my pretty!

Wait- that was the Bad Witch from that Oz flick.

Well, anyway- it was mean looking.

First you lay down. Then they strap you down at the knees and hips. Darn.

Then the fun part- they have you put your arms together over your hear and behind you- then put a pillowcase over them to your elbows to immobilize you fully.

Yeah- regular Six Flags kinda fun.

I was then rolled in the machine completely for four excruciatingly long minutes- the pulled out to my neck (freedom, ceiling tiles, things to breathe on!!!) for 18 minutes while this thing revolved around me in intervals.

Prayer works. All of you helped so much.

Two reasons- I only had one full blown panic attack (you know crying, whimpering) and that was before I got on the machine. Secondly, the technician who did the IV sat with me the whole time since he said he had nothing else to do and talked me through the 18 minute rotation - "here comes the enclosure, close your eyes .... ok, it's clear- open them and look straight up".

That man deserves a medal. Or at least chocolate. His wife is a lucky, lucky woman.

John poured me into a huge hug at the end (since they did not let him come back) and then took me right out and bought me the biggest Iced Tea, with lots of lemon, he could get me.

I love that man.

So- tomorrow is Part Deaux.

I have to do the treadmill for 20 minutes, then back to the machine for 20 minutes.

Then, it's over.

I have been inundated with comments and email and e-cards today. Thank you everyone for all your support.

I am reminded daily by God that this is a blessing, a pleasure and the friends I have met and developed relationships with, TIRL's with, are no less important in my life than any other valued relationship I have.

Thank you everyone for your support as we take one more step towards transplant.

And Life.

Tues/Wed ... Can You Pray Please

2006-12-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

Photo Courtesy www.spineuniverse.com

I have to complete my final tests for transplant candidacy approval Tuesday and again on Wednesday.

The problem is ... it involves me laying on a MRI tube for 20 minutes at a time. I have a delirious fear of close spaces and being buried alive, and normally have to be heavily sedated for these type of ~~torture sessions~~ insert-Kelli-in-an-enclosed-tube type procedures.

Word came today I cannot take any sedatives.

I have put this off once, and cannot do it again- but the mere thought of this procedure has made me edgy, cranky and down right impossible to live with for the last 48 hours. It gets worse every minute.

So, if you are not busy at 12 noon MT tomorrow and 1:30pm ET Wednesday. I'd appreciate some heavenly support. Thanks to all you faithful friends.

This is My Story will give those of you new here a head start on the journey we are on. I will be posting "Part 2" as so many of you have emailed about, once this ~~trial~~ test is past. I am just totally unable to focus on anything else right now. I hope you understand :)

I may even finally get my BooMama's Tour of Christmas Bloggity Home Tour Goodness post up.

A week late.

Scandalous.

I may go to the Bloggity Corner for this.

Well... as long as it's not enclosed. Maybe. I. Will.

WFMW - no applause please

2006-12-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

This is my "In a Pinch, In a Panic" WFMW

I had planned another WFMW tip- but you'll have to come back next week for that one.

I found out today, the hard way- that whenever you decide to do a full, complete, don't-leave-anything-out-of-it-just live-in-your-jammies-all-day "intimates" laundry load- that, yes indeedy! Something will happen that requires you have to run out the door NOW!

And, if you are like me, you are not - ahem, ahem- able to leave the house without, well- you know, um Full Support.

So, while ~~dumping every drawer, scavenging every corner~~ looking through the available options ... VOILA! I found what? Salvation with a strap.

OK- Ireally just found .... my one piece bathing suit.

Built-in shelf bra and undies.

Put in on with my sweats and we are out the door!

(and the extra added control in the tummy? Priceless)

For more Works for Me Wednesday tips, visit Sharon at Rocks in My Dryer!

This Is My Story - Part 1

2006-12-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

This past month has been one of struggle and growth. I think to lay the foundation abit more, I'll bore you with the gory details.

To back up, say, 39 years or so, it all started when I was two-ish. And yup, I'm 41. Ancient and decrepit by the standards of those under 18.

Somewhere in my second year I began to have kidney infections. The big raging fever, throw her in a tub full of freezing cold water to break it, kind of fevers. Years and tests, tests and years full of antibiotics, nuclear medicine etc filled my growing up. I saw my pediatrician and urologist monthly it seemed. I had to live with notes to new teachers every year to "please let Miss Kelli use the potty when she raises her hand" (oh, and "she talks to much to her frineds in class") but I digress. That was always a thrill.

Dr. Goldwyn and Dr. Walters kept me going year after year. And other than 4000 other trips to the ER because I was generally a klutz- life was good and normal.

In 1977 I had a surgery to correct whateer issue I had. Reflux. Things went up and not down urine wise. But, too little too late. However, in the bed next to me was a girl whose parents were into some pretty bad stuff. While we were both under the knife my dad talked to them and they became Christians- right there. They ended up starting a boys ranch for at-risk boys and brought hundreds to the Lord. God uses things in His time, and in His way. Yes, He surely does.

In 1982 I went to Europe with Teen Missions on an evangelical team. Towards the last night of Boot Camp in the Florida swamps (yep, living in a tent and all) I got sick. 104 fever. Again. Rushed to the ER in some backwater flat and begged my parents to let me stay. They did, but, by the time we got to Scotland things were worse. Now, understand the team leaders thought I was faking at first. If you have had a kidney infection you know the pain and fever is practically hallucinatingly horrid. When you live with something, it like breathing, it is what it is.

Our second night in Scotland we got in cab and went to a hospital right out of WW2. I swear to you that I thought the Germans would bomb us out at any moment. The hilarious night got better in two ways- one, they let drunks sleep in the waiting rooms at night. Lovely.
Second, all medicines are different in Scotland than America so the phone conversation looked something like this- Scotland Dr. talking to my mom who's talking to my Urologist who is prescribing treatment and antibiotics to my mom who is telling the Scottish DR. who's nurse is looking up comparable terms in Europe journals so as not to kill me dead on the spot. Yep. We all finally decide on the right dosage and equivalents and it's off to the drugstore. At 3am. In a police car. With a police man.

See- the druggists don't work at the hospital. They have their own shops. And only open up at night for police. Around 4am this nattily dressed older gentleman, with a suit on and his hat/cane shows up and opens for us like it's 4pm. He fills my order for drugs and gives me candy- friendly chatting away like nothing is weird- at 4am. Then, the police takes us back to the church where we are housing-all friendly like it's every day in Scotland. Truly a night to remember.

Oh- and on the klutzy thing? On the smae trip I also cut my foot open on a canal rock in the middle of nowhere. The only Dr. in the next hamlet (in a thatched roof cottage even) didn't do novacaine. So, he sewed me up with 5 stitches- no meds, no painkillers. Told you- I'm a walking disaster. I survived the trip, although I believe my parents paid off that phone bill with a second mortgage. At 18 you have no concept of what "I'd like to place this international call collect" really, really means. Especially when you do it over, and over, and over again.

Fast forward to 1987- 5 years with no problems. About this time, I had just met John and came down with the flu. However. after being unconscious for 48 hours with a 104 fever they decided to check me out further. Bam- kidney infection. For the next 4 years it was one after another. It got to the point where I would go to the ER and tell them what I needed. Shot of antibiotic or a stay in the hospital.

We were married (yep, he stuck around) in February of 1990 and started trying to have kids. We knew that there was a strong chance I couldn't get pregnant- but, that was not the case. We could pass in the hall and I was conceiving. 6 times in 2 years. But, around 10 weeks or so I would lose it. Miscarriage. That was a devastating time for us and a really rough time for our marriage. I lived through it by the grace of God and this book- "I'll Hold You In Heaven" by Jack Hayford, the pastor of the church I grew up in.

In 1991, we made the decision to remove the left kidney. It was no longer functioning but simply a diseased organ. So, in July 1991 I went in and they broke all my ribs- and out it came. The right kidney was healthy, and anyone cna live with one healthy kidney- we are wonderfully and glorifully made.

But, within 7 days of getting home, the two pinks lines were back. I was pregnant. Again.

An Interesting Biblical Truth at Christmas ....

2006-12-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Wrapping paper is not mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

The first Christmas gifts were presented as is - with no wrappings, no ceremony.

This brings us to a very important lesson for the Season-

What were the two main charachertistics of these gift-givers?

1. They were wise.

2. They were men.

Hence, the documented origination of the
"WalMart plastic bag wrapping job"
we all experience on Christmas morn.

Happy Holidays!

It's a SURPRISE!!!! Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

2006-12-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

Today, my baby girl is 14!
I don't know where the time has gone.

She is an amazing writer, on fire for the Lord and one of my best friends (being a teen and all) ... and 6 months from getting her driving permit. 6 months!

She has a blog, and I think it would tickle her to death if we could
get 14 comments on it for her BIG DAY today.
She has never had anyone comment on her blog- except me.
And how exciting is that?

CLICK HERE to link to her site!

Thank you everyone!
I know it will just make her day :)

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

2006-12-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Well, bless your hearts!

I've been inundated with requests for my Christmas Prime Rib recipe. It's not hard, it's really so easy I feel guilty taking the praise and adulation for it's magnificence year after year-but, I somehow I manage.

So, don't be intimidated. Just look that rib roast right in the eye and do it! Then, be prepared to be worshipped and adored by all your guests. Throw a little flour around and look weary upon serving. They will think you got up at 2am to prepare such a tribute to them.

Where Do I Get My Roast?

First of all, where you get your "Standing Rib Roast" doesn't seem to matter. I have always gone to the meat market and gotten it- but last year they sold it out from under me, so I had to beg the local WalMart meat manager to order me one in last minute. It was just as great!

How Do I Pick Out A Great Roast?

The key is to get one that has a really nice "fat cap"-the layer of fat along the bottom. That is where your flavor will come with this cooking method.

How Much Do I Need Per Person?

With bones (the only way I buy it), allow 12-15 ounces of uncooked meat per person. We but a larger one, since we LOVE the leftovers on sandwiches and leftovers for days!

What Else Do I Need?

Gather your supplies:

Rib Roast
Garlic (the number of cloves depends on your personal taste and the size of the roast)
Roasting Pan with shallow rack
Meat thermometer (don't try it without this!)
Courage

Ok! Now what?

1. Unwrap the rib roast, leaving it strung together and preheat the oven to 500 degrees. It's key to make sure the oven is fully preheated before you put the roast in.

2. Dice your garlic and make small slits all over your roast, about 1/2 - 1" deep. Don't do this to the fat cap along the bottom.

3. Insert the diced garlic in the slits.

4. Place the roast on the rack fat side up (bone side down). DO NOT COVER!

5. Once fully preheated, move the oven rack to the lowest position. Put the roasting pan in the center of the rack and close the door.

Now, this is the MOST IMPORTANT PART! It must be followed precisely. I warn you, the first year is the hardest to do. But, you must. I know you can!!

6. Cook the roast at 500 degrees for 5-6 minutes per pound.

7. Without opening the door to the oven to peek ever! Turn off the oven and let it continue to cook for two hours exactly.

If you open the door before step 8, it will be ruined. It has to be sealed in the oven exactly as described.

8. After 2 hours, check the meat thermometer. If you are at 140 degress you done! If it's cooler than that, turn the oven to 375 and check every 5 minutes until it reached 140.

9. Once done, let it sit on the counter for 15-20 minutes to rest before cutting.

Voila!

I'd love to hear how it comes out for everyone :)

"The" Christmas Meme

2006-12-01T08:43:00.001-07:00

Well, as they say ..... Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it .... so, why don't you do it, too!

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Oh Lord- hot chocolate. With.Marshmallows. John does egg nog by the water-tank truckload. I can barely stomach the smell.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa most definitely wraps. While I watch infomercials on Christmas Eve til about 4am. Spending too much money on after Christmas cabinet stuffers. Every year.

3. Colored lights or white? 15 strands of white wrapper around the inside of the tree to make to glow, then 20 strands of colored on the tips to make it festive. And yes, I place every one of them myself.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? To quote Big Mama - There's enough kissing in this house without mistletoe.

5. When do you decorate for Christmas? Once I get up the nerve to dig out the boxes.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert? I make the BEST, and I mean it- the BEST, Prime Rib Roast every Christmas. I'm happy to give everyone the recipe.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? I have so many- but here are the highlights:#4- watching our Pastor play the marumbas every year at the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service. We went home 4 years ago, and after almost 40 years he still plays. I bawled like a baby to the chagrin of my kids.... #3- the year I got a full, life-size (for a 4 year old) cardboard kitchen ..... #2- the year I knocked over mama's fully, meticulously, certifiably well-decorated-she-places-every-one-of-those-6,000-ornaments-precisely-the-same place-every-stinkin'-year-while-everyone-else-vacates-the premise trees over. Splat! all over the floor.... #1 Daddy would film me walking down the hall every Christmas morning with his Super-8 and this jimmy-rigged light pole (a piece of 6 foot board with 6 halogen-bright bulbs attached). So, we have years of me, in my jammies, covering my eyes and banging into walls trying to get to the tree. Man, those lights were like walkin' into the headlights of a Mac truck. Now, I know how a deer feels.

8. When and how, did you learn the truth about Santa? That he was married? Well, when I was about, I think, 6. Married to an immortal- that's a commitment.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? What- before Santa comes??? How is that possible?

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Lots of love, patience and absolutely NO regularly place ornaments. Oh, and a step ladder and the Mitch Miller Christmas Sing-A-Long album. Every year. Can't decorate without it.

11. Snow. Love it or hate it? Love, Love, Love it! Except now when it's all ice.

12. Can you ice skate? "if only in my dreams...."

13. Do you remember your favorite Christmas gift? Kati, born just before Christmas 1994. She will be 14 next week.

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays to you? Making it a special, family time for everyone. Especially now. I may not have too many left in me.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Dutch Apple Pie. Not home-made by me. Someday, I'll tell you about the apple pie I tried to make this Thanksgiving.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Every year, around the first of December we get everyone new jammies that can only be worn on Christmas Eve. The kids begs every night to wear them- but it's magical.

17. What tops your tree? My Prime Rib. Oh. You mean, like an ornament? A crystal heralding angel my mother-in-law gave us years ago.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving. I never really wanted anything after the kids came along. However, every year I get one appliance and bottle of Shaper Hairspray. It's tradition. Look forward to it every year.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? O Come Let Us Adore Him. Makes me bawl like a baby. Otherwise? Jingle Bell Rock and anything on the Mitch Miller Christmas Sing-A-Long album, circa 1960 or before.

20. Candy canes. Yuck or yum? Stuck to someone's kid? Yum.

If you're here, you're tagged!

Because Everyone Should Celebrate!!

2006-11-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to open a place where everyone could express what they are thankful- and where others could find inspiration. I'll leave this up for several days, so everyone can come back and see what new things have been added.

So, leave a comment about what you are thankful for this season.

Give thanks.

Make an impact.

Be blessed.

Favorite Ingredient Friday

2006-11-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Kelli's Amazingly Easy Peasy Chili Rellenos Pie

1-16 oz. can Whole Green Chilies - drained really really well
1- 7 oz can diced green chilies
16 oz Jack/Cheddar shredded (I prefer Kraft)
8 eggs
1- 13oz can Evaporated Skim Milk

1. Spray 9x13 pan with Pam and preheat oven to 350

2. Take the drained (really, really well) whole chilies and split them open.
Lay them in rows so the whole pan bottom is covered.

3. Take 1/2 the cheese and sprinkle it over the chilies.
Then layer the diced chilies, and finish with
the rest of the cheese on top of that, reserving one handful.

4. Beat the eggs together, and stir in the Evaporated Milk.

5. Pour this over the pan to cover. Top with remaining handful of cheese.

6. Cook, uncovered, for 30 minutes - or a fork inserted comes out clean.

7. Heat up some tortillas, add some sour cream and YUMMY!!

A note- throw whats left in the fridge, and reheat in the microwave for 1 minute.
YUMMY breakfast burrito leftovers!!!!

Doom and Gloom ...to... Livin Out Loud!

2006-11-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

This past week has been one of transition, in many ways.

I transitioned my job to a new manager to be able to go out on disability. The paperwork was filled out- "has a condition that can only result in death". That hurt. At least two of my employees have called to go through the process to see if they can donate a kidney. Overwhelming. Indescribable. Unbelievable. However, we still have a long way to go before this process is over.

In giving up my job, I started to fully give up on life overall. The reality is, this could be my last Thanksgiving, last Christmas. I may only see my kids turn 13 and 14. I thought about what the things are I want to do before I go. Things like take a cruise through Alaska, or take the kids to DisneyWorld. Things we will never afford to do. I thought about the $45K it has cost to keep me alive since May, just May. Where could that money be better spent on the kids. You know, I wallowed.

Then, I heard this.

Imagine this
I get a phone call from Regis
He says "Do you want to be a millionaire?"
They put me on a show and I win with two lifelines to spare

Picture this I act like nothing ever happened
and bury all the money in a coffee can
Well, I've been given more than Regis ever gave away
I was a dead man who was called to come out of my grave

I think it's time for makin' some noise

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

Think about this
Try to keep a bird from singing afterit's soared up in the sky
Give the sun a cloudless day and tellit not to shine

Think about this
If we really have been given the giftof life that will never end
And if we have been filled with living hope,
We're gonna overflow
And if God's love is burning in ourhearts, we're gonna glow
There's just no way to keep it in

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

-Steven Curtis Chapman

And I realized. This may be the last holiday I have with my family. Imay never see them graduate or hold my grandchildren That is true. But, rather than think about what trauma that is possible, I'm making lists of things I could do to make this special for the kids and hubby. Lasting memories.

I have my daughter coming home at Christmas to homeschool, and she is so excited. We get to volunteer together. Precious, precious times.

This is not about me, but about the things that God can do- will do- through this.

I invite each of you to approach each day like it is your last.

Hug your kids.

Pick your battles.

Share some joy with a stranger.

Make an impact for God.

Take a stand.

Live. Out. Loud.

The State of the Union

2006-11-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, things around here have been crazy and alot has happened in the last 48 hours.

So, without further ado, let me recap:

Kati has decided, finally, to come home and homeschool the final half of the 8th grade year. She doesn't appreciate the drama of middle school and the effect of it on her grades and education. She has already lined up volunteer opportunities for the two of us at church and the Zoo, so we should be busy together. I would love to hear from anyone who is homeschooling 9th grade on what they are using. I need to find Honors English and Math programs the most. That would be awesome!

Jonathon was finally released back to school FT having been diagnosed with mono. They are prepping for the Montana State LEGOS Robotics Championship again in Feburuary and hope to go to Atlanta fo the Nationals.

Yesterday was a banner day- I left work on disability. It's been sonething I knew was coming for a long time, and several of you have been praying with me that the timing would be right. It was. I feel free for the first time in a long time to take care of me. That is not a thing I do really well. Now, I get to try and make things like this and this!

So much in so little time. Can't wait to get back to Bloggityvile more full time, too. I've missed you all so very, very much.

Eat ... the .... COOKIE!

2006-11-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.
People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Ok.

Hmmm.

So, according to this - you're tired of me already.

But ... you'll ... be .... baaaaaacccckkkk ........

(Can anyone name the movie that title comes from)

If you see nothing else today

2006-11-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

Beings as I'm not "Savvy" at this and can't load a video, I can only say:

CLICK HERE and WATCH THIS NOW

Then ...

READ THIS!

It will change your life. Period.

In Memory of Canon

2006-10-21T21:35:00.000-06:00

Joining the Silence to Celebrate a Life Loved.

Out of respect and in memorial - this blog will remian silent until Monday.

Our prayers and heartfelt condolences go out to Carla and her family.

And then, they go and do something like ....

2006-10-21T17:26:00.000-06:00

This.

Today, when we were getting ready to dole out the bi-weekly ~~bribery payments to keep the house clean~~ allowances, our 13 year old brought me the laptop. She wanted my credit card info for something she had found. Always a scary proposition.

Thinking clothes, shoes, ~~makeup~~ , or art supplies - I was profoundly please that she was looking at Samaritan's Purse.

She went through their catalog and found some things to donate her FULL allowance to until at least Christmas. Her FULL allowance ...

Sometimes, it all just comes together ....

Gotta go- she is looking at Missions Trips for next summer :) If you know of any programs- other than Teen Missions or Brio, please leave a comment and I will let her know!

I can't believe it!

2006-10-18T14:48:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I WON SOMETHING !!!!!

First click to see this, then you have to run, not walk and click HERE! if you want one like it!

SuperMom is an amazing designer. You must go get some of your won :)

And, this lucky little Princess should be seeing this in her hair soon!

Hey Bing? How 'bout a song?

2006-10-17T11:23:00.000-06:00

Hi! Remember Me?

2006-10-15T17:37:00.000-06:00

We all have those friends- the ones we hold dear and close. The ones that we may not talk to all the time, maybe in huge spurts now and then, but then - things like life take over and you just lose touch. But, you know- no matter what - when you pick up the phone or cry out, they are still there for you.

Well, this seems to be my relationship with Bloggityville right now. So many of you have continued to stop by, email or call. It has been a blessing, even if I have not been as responsive as I would like to have been.

It started as simply a break I needed - so overwhelmed with life right now. Mortality faces me day and night and after just over 6 months of dealing with things, I cracked. I found that I needed the cocoon of my family more that breath itself. So, I went inside- fully introverted - wrapped up in just those sharing the walls of my existence. I needed to be taken care of, rather than be the caretaker. I had to let go.

The kids are having some issues with me being sick, and it's starting to show. Please pray for them. Please. In keeping their privacy, I won't go into details - but they are 12 and 13 and fully immersed in all the drama and angst of middle school. Remember middle school? The "icky yucky" years? And their mom is sick. So, as you can imagine- it can be a rough road. And recent events in schools nationwide have not made things easier on them. So, please - just hold them close in prayer with us. You don't know how much that will mean.

Mom is doing ok. Came home from rehab after her hip replacement a couple of days ago. She sounds ok, abit depressed and is not eating well. Please pray for God's Hand in her situation. I can't be there. I would like to be.

We are still waiting to hear more from the Transplant Team. I got the "you are a perfect candidate" sign off- with the caveat that a couple of things get ruled out. Amazing how big a word "two" can be when it mean life or not so much life. Kindof the difference between seeing the kids graduate and holding my grandkids some day. Wow. I have to pass a test for "Lupus Anti-Coagulant" or the lack thereof I think it is. Because I had 7 mis-carriages before having the kids, it has to be ruled out. There is something else, I honestly don't remember what it is. But, God does. So we go with that :)

We had our first snow this week and it was a beautiful thing. We went out and just stood in it. Snow to me is the magic of all things God created rolled into one intimate, loving moment.

When I was in college, I sang a song that stuck with me:

I once read in a poem - when snow covers the earth
That it hides the world's scars and gives nature new birth
And they say when a man turns from sin to the Lord
That forgiveness like snow covers him evermore.

And it's told that the angels lift their hearts and rejoice
When one traveler turns homeward from his way to the Lord's
If somewhere someone's turning, he's giving his all
Then God's grace like the snow is beginning to fall.

And somewhere it's snowing, see the soft drifting down
As the snowflakes surrender to the hardening ground
Like the good grace of Jesus, that now covers our sin
In the kingdom of Heaven,
it's snowing again.

I've missed you all; I've enjoyed just sitting back and celebrating the wonder and supporting the struggle. I hope to be back now, more often - but most of all, I want you to each be considered tagged with a huge hug.

Tumultous Tuesday- What a Day!

2006-09-25T21:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Bloggity-ville,

Tuesday is a big day in the family, and I would covet everyone's prayers.

First of all, my mom is having her hip surgery at 7:30am PT and we won't talk to her on the phone til at least the afternoon or evening. Please pray for the surgeons grace and steadiness - as well as a fast, easy recovery.

And, I see the Porter Team for the panel review for transplant candidacy. My bloodwork took a hit, so I'm not really thrilled that this is what they will see right off - like a big F on the first report card of the year. I just don't know if it makes it better or worse. So, I'm stressed. Freaking out- you get the picture.

Most importantly- it's Picture Day at school. Middle school picture day. Goodness, but it's been a flurry of activity around here tonight in preparation. However, for the first year, the sponge rollers have not been seen- so it should make for an interesting new addition to the family wall o'pictures.

I do, however, have the DAY OFF. I may even blog and comment. Stop lurking. Lock the doors - and clear my bloglines.

Wow - have I told you HOW MUCH I miss y'all? Like breath away from my lungs. But, I have to thank all of you that have been emailing and sending love and support. It's been a trying couple of weeks, and the place under my rock is safe -

I'm learning to let go, and ask for help and say "I can't do this alone". And you have taken me on those baby steps.

Smooches to each of you.

I'll see you tomorrow, with good news! I hope.

What I'm Doing On My Bloggity Exile, well, Vacation

2006-09-18T20:19:00.000-06:00

Vacations are to be enjoyed. A change of scenery, a fresh perspective ... rest, relaxation.

NOT!

I've been on a fully-forced bloggity vacation for the last week, that honestly may last another week or two. And it's not restful or relaxing ...

Things around here have been crazy, in the how-the-heck-will-I-get-a-shower-in-today-or-tomorrow kind of way. I say back and looks at the last 3 weeks and realize I've clocked over 80 hours a week ... and can't think of anything else that has been going on.

Somewhere in there, J and K both got sick enough to have to stay home (thanks goodness it wasn't strep) ... the puppy decided to "un-potty train" himself .... I have fed my kids grilled cheese for dinner to avoid one more dinner-on-a-crust delivered by the "really-cute-pizza-guy" (says K) ... realized that I do have to get new shelf paper down as the cupboards have been that bear from my lack of time to get groceries bought ... realized that, at my advanced age of 41, I can actually do 80 hours a week and stay somewhat awake ....

and watched the rain fall.

Rain.

It rained, hard and all night long, Saturday night.

And it smelled like rain. I love the smell of rain.

I'll still be pulling massive hours this week, and next ... so things may be a bit quiet from the Montana front.

I just wanted to jump up for air and say HI! I miss all of you ... I've been lurking and reading as I can, but I've not had the strength to put together a coherent enough thought to comment.

See you when vacation is over!

The Day the World Changed

2006-09-10T12:32:00.000-06:00

I do not wake up the first time the alarm goes off. Never have.

Once the alarm went off, I grabbed the remote to the TV and turned on the news. Then just rolled over and went back to sleep. I had a horrible dream about a plane crashing the World Trade Center in NY. And then a bomb went off in the garage basement. Was Lisa ok? I Can't find Lisa!!! Mary?? Where are they?

In frantic desperation, I woke myself up. Oh, it was a dream. Ok, time to get up. It was weird, though, I hadn't thought about Lisa and Mary, who worked in the WTC for awhile. I remember the panic I felt when the WTC garage was bombed a few years before. But, that was jsut a yucky memory creeping back up, I guess.

J was in the shower, and the kids weren't up yet. I looked over at hte TV and saw that the rest wasn't a dream. A plane had crashed onto the WTC. An accident. WOW! I yelled for J to get out and come watch the TV. We sat and watched as news unfolded. Being a pilot, he was trying to reconcile how this could happen -- airspace, flight plans, VOR's and whatever. It didn't make any sense.

Then, the second plane hit and we knew. We knew this was way worse than anything we could have ever imagined.

I tried to think of anyone I knew that would be flying today from work. Everyone was in town that I could recall.

Then the first tower fell. I distnctly remember feeling like the wind got knoced out of me. It just didn't make sense. We sat glued to the TV and I cried. J was in a state of shock. We wanted to grab the kids, but they were old enough to understand what they were seeing, and we didn't want them to be a part of this just yet. Not til we understood. How can you understand something like this?

Then the second tower fell. It really seemed like life itself came to a halt. I was paralyzed and just couldn't think. We flipped station to station to see if what they were saying was really true. Like someone would announce "Its just a joke, War of the Worlds all over again". Nothing. Every station struggled to get infomation, everyone seemed incredulous as to what was unfolding.

I finally had to get up an get to work. I threw my hair up in a clip, grabbed what I could and just drove. I still don't remember the drive. I didn't even put on makeup.

At the time, I Was the Director of CS for a cable company. We had TV's throughout our department on adn runnign all the time. I knew my staff would be in shock. We all were. I arrived and found my morning crew in tears. They were huddled around the TV's and watching what was unfolding.

We immediately cancelled all rebuild for the day that were cause service outages. We knew that people would want to be able to watch what was unfolding.

The senior staff gathered and sat in the conference room watching the TV waiting for our CEO to arrive. When he did, he looked haggard. Frankly, we all had the look of shell shock, but his was different.

We discovered that his brother-in-law worked at the Pentagon. No one had been able to reach him at that point, but his wife had confirned he had gone to work, and was due to be there all day.

So, we sat, watched, comforted and prayed. We actually all held hands and our CEO prayed. ALthough I was the only female in the room, I was not the only one who cried.

Hours later, we learned his brother-in-law was safe - hurt doing rescue - but safe.

The rest of the day was spent just tlkaing people thorugh one moment at the time. Phones were slow, so we rotated people as they needed to talk, cry, walk around or whatever. It was triage for days after, really.

The hardest part what talking to my kids about what had happened. we had kept them home that day, and John called in to be with them. We kept them away from the TV as much as possible to prevent overload with them. We knew that if we couldn't process what had happened, that it would be impossible. Regardless, J had nightmares for weeks, and started sleeping with us again. K did, too, for quite awhile - and it was fine.

It was a time that we all needed to feel safe, cocooned in the love of family.

Within 24 hours, our town was decked in flags. Cars, businesses, homes, fences ... everywhere.

The kids asked that we go to the Candlelight Vigil one night, and we did. Hundreds of people lined the main street in town with flags, candles, signs of support - they prayed, sang God Bless America over and over.

It was an amazing show of solidarity that we would survive.

God Bless America
Land that I Love
Stand Beside Her
and Guide Her
Through the Night
WIth a Light From Above.

From the Mountains
To the Prairies
To The Ocean
White with Foam.

God Bless America
My Home Sweet Home.

Well ... I NEVER! (ok, so I did)

2006-09-09T17:06:00.000-06:00

Barb posted about some of her most embarrassing moments ... and invited us to the Grand Party of ~~Humiliation~~ Honest Acceptance and Reflection of That Which Makes Us Unique and Special.

Although my life has been one continual faux pas, the two that come to mind right at the top would be:

1. In 1982, I went to Europe with Teen Missions. Our goal was to do drama and singing evangelism throughout Scotland, Ireland, Wales and England while living on a long boat. We're talking 30 teenagers on 2 boats 6 feet wide and 42 feet long on canals just as wide. Kindof like a teenage poorboy sandwich.

Well, the group before us broke the onboard sanitation system. You know, they irreparably plugged up the septic. So, for 6 weeks, no onboard, privatized potty facilities. Did I mention we were on canals I the middle of nowhere? This was resolved by the old-fashioned camping "Spotter/Squatter" method. I know you're thinking THIS is the embarrassing part. Oh no.

In Scotland, on a beautiful c-l-e-a-r morning, I was, well, not the "Spotter". And you know, once you start ... well .... We were under a bridge, thinking we were safe. Until the local rowing crew came down the bank to launch their boat. They were college boys. I was 18. It was, humiliating. My "Spotter" --- she thought it was hysterical. I tried to fake as much high school French as I could, like I thought it would less embarrasing if they thought I was French. But, we're talking pressure here. When all was said and done (and I mean when everything was done) not only did they think it was cool that we were "American girls", but they took pictures with us. So, it's recorded for posterity. Yes, it is.

2. When Kati was born, I stayed home for 3 months. I was still actively nursing her, and pumping through the day. After awhile I thought I had adjusted my milk to come in in the morning, then at night when I got home. HA!

My office was small, and my (female - thank Goodness) boss was standing over my desk looking at a report. I had grabbed the only clean thing I owned to wear that day- a dark green silk shirt.

Are you with me on this? Milk + Silk Shirt + Useless Nursing Pads.

I stood up to get something out of a file and brushed against her as I did. Within about 30 seconds, I was soaked top to bottom and was actually d.r.i.p.p.i.n.g milk from the hem of my shirt. Laughing made it worse, but she was gracious enough to dive over the desk and slam my door shut.

For years, we talked about how she went and got her jacket and let me sidle out behjin her to the car to go home and change. I prayed harder that I wouldn't get pulled over, more than any other time in my life.

So, that's me. In a Nutshell.

If you never come back, I'll fully understand.

For more human interest stories :) .... visit Mr. Linky at Kristen's So Called Life

WFMW - Keeping Up WIth New Friends

2006-09-06T20:01:00.000-06:00

This little button here?

It's saved my life.

When I first starting blogging, I knew nothing! Now, I know not much more :)

But, what I do know is...

When I find a new blog that I just adore, I add them to my Bloglines. Bloglines let me subscribe with just the click of a button, and all new feeds (posts) are searched out all day long and put in a neat little webpage for me every day.

I also installed the Bloglines Notifier, so a nifty little shortcut in on my desktop and let's me know when things are there for the readin'.

And, if you have a Blog, you can add a Subscribe button to your site pretty easily, and folks can add you like that! 1-2-3. Friends forever.

So, hop on over to Bloglines and take a look.

BTW, I may not be an expert, but I'll help anyone set it up :)

Just leave me a comment and I'll get back to you.

For more great Works-For-Me-Wednesday tips, visit Shannon at RocksInMyDryer

Involuntary Lurker

2006-09-05T09:42:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to throw up a post to all of my friends on Blogger Beta.

I WANT TO COMMENT!!! I MUST TALK TO YOU!!!!

I've tried, and tried -- but it won't let me.

So, Brenda? Glad you're home and had a great trip. I know you were worried, but it sounds like things worked out a bit. I'm so happy!

However, I'm sorry that ANYONE loses to 'SC. a.n.y.o.n.e.

Laurel? Great post - we always go to the courthouse and vote, in any state or town we live in. They always let the kids go through a practice process as well to know how important it is. They research candidates early and make their own conclusions. It's a great way to prep them for later years when it's real.

I'll keep trying ... darn it, I will.

You will be commented on. You will.

In a Nutshell ....

2006-09-05T08:50:00.000-06:00

Boomama posted this meme that Cheryl tagged her for, and invited us to play along. So, I took a stab :)

1. If you make sweet tea, do you use Luzianne, Lipton or _______ whatever your brand is?

Don't make it here in Montana too much anymore, but when we were in Mississippi? Luzinanne and nothin' else.

2. What brand of toilet paper do you buy, and is it the larger rolls or regular?

Whatever brand the kids can decide on where no blood is involved. ~~The fight for control~~ Team work at it's best. Talk about picking your battles.

3. Which brand of bath soap do you use? Is it body wash or bar style?

Before dialysis, it was bar - Camay. But, now? Ugh. Ivory liquid. It's the RULES. Yes, dialysis has RULES on S.O.A.P. Who'd-a-thunk-it?

4. Which cereal do you buy for yourself?

Granola or Grape Nuts. These are the only two that don't get soggy in milk. I practically wave the milk container over my cereal so it doesn't get soggy.

5. What brand of dishwasher detergent do you use and is it liquid or tablets?

Sunlight Lemon liquid. Nothing else works. And nothing smells better :)

6. What is your favorite fruit to eat?

Nectarines and strawberries. Well, that two. I'm sure "fruit" was meant as plural, right?

7. Which brand of clothes detergent do you use?

Whatever J picks out.

He is the (cue full John Williams score for the superhero entrance) Grand Master Laundry Man.

Yes, he is! Big Red L on his chest and a really cool cape. Heck, he looks great in tights!

(Shocked?! - well for pete's sake, we talked about my toilet paper preferences earlier didn't we?)

8. Do you like chocolate?

Only when I'm breathing in and out. Otherwise, I never touch the stuff.

9. Are you right-handed or left-handed?

Left.

10. Do you still write checks or use a debit card?

Pens are for thank you notes and long personal meanderings in my journal. Special things. Plastic is for power shopping.

So, if you'd like to play along, leave a comment and I will stop by!

TAG!

Can you be praying?

2006-09-04T17:15:00.000-06:00

My mom will be having replacement hip surgery on September 26th. I had hoped to go out the two weeks she was in the hospital and take care of her animals. That would at least give me a chance to visit her at the hopsital / rehab center.

However, she seems to have things covered on that front, so wouldn't need me to come until she was home. The kicker is, I have a business trip that combined would put me away from home for over a month.

I'm sure she is nervous; I hear it's not an easy recovery. J's dad went through two and it was a struggle. So, please keep her in mind :)

Thanks everyone!

Moms for Modesty

2006-09-04T10:27:00.000-06:00

Everyday Mommy has put together a great initiative that every parent needs to read.

Just click here to read more.

Worthwhile MUST Read

2006-09-02T15:42:00.000-06:00

Addie, whom I adore, linked over to this MUST READ by Jeana. I won't even waste more of your time. I know it's a holiday weekend, but you gotta go.

Ready? 1 .... 2 .... 3 ...... Click Here Now!

Still here? Get movin' missy :)

Because I Care

2006-09-01T22:31:00.000-06:00

Happy Labor Day

See you Tuesday!

WFMW - Fast Dinners

2006-08-30T20:29:00.001-06:00

Working from home is a kick ... except when the days go past 15 and 16 hours and - what the heck - the family still wants dinner? !

So, I pull out the slow cooker in the morning and throw in a package, or two, of (still) flash frozen boneless and skinless chicken thighs (about $5.00/bag at The WalMart), a bottle of italian dressing, BBQ sauce or some marinade from the store, 2 cups of water and slow cook all day on low.

Add some instant rice and veggies, and voila! Real food, without a pizza crust.

Happy family? Happy Mommy.

Cheap? Happy Pocketbook!

For more Works-For-Me-Wednesday tips ... visit Shannon at RocksInMyDryer ....

Pizza Box ---

2006-08-27T17:21:00.000-06:00

Code Yellow Mom, fondly known as Code, adapted a game she saw on a pizza box into this meme...further proof that anything a blogger comes across is fodder for a post! Barb over at Chelsea Morning was sweet enough to tag me .... and wait days (like 8 blog years) for me to get around to posting :)

Love and hugs Barb!

What was your favorite thing about being a kid?

My dad was the Kool-Aid dad. He would take all the kids on the block out in the street every night and taught us to play football, and baseball. When I was smaller and couldn't play, I got to be the "spotter". It was my sole duty to stand on a chair, where I could see up and down the street - and yell "CAR" every time I saw one, so the street could be cleared. It was a proud day, when someone younger took over "spotter" duty, and I got to play 3rd base.

What was your favorite subject in school?

What subject didn't I love? I was one of those that just loved school. Period. Now, in the 5th grade I had a teacher who hated me. Mrs. Istanbulan. She was evil and mean, and hated me. But, I survived and still loved school. So there.

Who was your best friend when you were 10?

Lisa Kilmer and Bonnie Buff. Lisa had polio and wore braces on her legs, but was the coolest, most fun and loving person I knew. Bonnie and I were best friends from kindergarten, until 6th grade when we both moved to different states and lost touch.She had curly hair and looked exactly like Buffy on Family Affair. Twins.

If you could be any animal what would you be?

A monkey. No reason, except they are goofier than heck.

What would you change about your school, occupation, life right now?

Uh, simple. I wouldn't need a kidney transplant. Otherwise, everything else is just where I want it.

What's your favorite color?

Purple. Royal, deep, wrap me up in silky satiny purple. Like an eggplant. But not as yucky.

What's your favorite type of crust and favorite topping on a pizza?

Ground round, cheese, fresh chopped tomatoes and red onions on a hand-tossed crust. However, if I was in California - Numero Uno pepperoni and sausage, extra cheese. Hands down. Gosh, Billings needs a Numbero Uno Pizzeria and an In 'N Out Burger, and a Sonic and a Waffle House and ... oops! I digress.

So, that's my combo special! Now .. who to tag ... who to tag ...

I tag ....

Leslie at Into Australia

SuperMom at What Makes a Housewife Desperate

Brenda at Rocking Chairs and Rainbows

Boomama

Sarah at In the Midst

A Broad Blessed in Guatemala ...

2006-08-27T17:02:00.000-06:00

Toni is back from Guatemala, so run over and be blessed by what she wrote.

Herding Cats

2006-08-27T13:58:00.000-06:00

Do you ever just sit back sometimes and wonder if God picks you out of a crowd, and decides it's your week to learn something... anything?

And, when you don't seem to get it the first time ... He loves you enough to keep trying ... and trying ... and trying?

This past week has been one of those - I didn't just get hit by the stupid stick, but by the whole darn forest - weeks, I think. If anyone could wear out the Almighty, it seems it was me.

I've been getting abit complacent over the last couple of weeks, in things church-y because of my schedule. Things at work have picked up, which means I have been online and working 18 hours a day ... and watching my Bloglines e-x-p-l-o-d-e. I currently have 237 things to read and comment on. 2.3.7. Yikes! I'm sooooo behind on all of your lives, and I miss you tremendously!

On top of work this week, let's take a look into the Magic Mirror and see what else has happened ....

Saturday and Sunday were spent fighting the fight for school supplies and back to school things. The high point came, though, when Kati tried on "the ugliest green shift I've ever seen Mom" and pronounced she l-o-v-e-d it! Being the self-righteous, told-you-so-mom that I am, I made her proclaim "Mom, you were right! This shirt is awesome" just loud enough for all the other tired, battle-weary moms around the dressing rooms to hear ...
Monday was an 18 hours work day, interspersed with breaking up the back-to-school ~~fights~~ jitters while ...
Tuesday was spent as a 12 hours work day, filled with "what if no one remembers, likes, tolerates, hangs out with me" discussions.
Oh, and we got a puppy. Sparky, the Wonder Pup - a cute, little Golden Retriever pup. The kind that doesn't sleep through the night?
Oh, and there was that huge fire that started Tuesday night close enough for us to pack up the house and cars, again, to prepare for evacuation.
Wednesday sees us ~~racing the kids to school and kicking them to the curb for 8 hours~~ dropping our beloved youngsters off for 8 hours of intelligent study and high-level social interaction. Then, we go home to check the status of the fire - and find out we have no power. Now, did I mention it's 101 and the humidity levels are high? Ugh. Evidently, the main feeder lines to Billings are in danger, so they had to fireproof them - which means no power for s.e.v.e.r.a.l hours. J and I set it out for 2 hours, then get out and go to a coffee ship, with air conditioning, on the side of town with power for 2 hours until the kids get out of school. No internet, no power, nothing until about 4:15 that night. Ugh.
Thursday and Friday are a blur of work 18-20 hours, sleep and start over, as well as watching this thing happen with my foot - where it's numbing and swelling for no reason. Another thing to chat with the Dr. about Monday ...
Last night, I broke a tooth. First time ever. Ugh.

I have to laugh ... really, I do. I am, by far, not a drama queen.

But, this week has felt alot like herding cats.

So now, I will take the rest of the afternoon to simply sit here and revel in catching up on my Bloglines ... to see how everyone else's week has been going.

I've missed y'all ...

Gee - I thought clouds only made animals ....

2006-08-26T23:28:00.000-06:00

Wow, my first post in a week. Where has the time gone ... so much going on and I have no place to start telling y'all what has been going on. So, for now, while I regroup and get my thoughts together and ready to get back to the bloggity goodness again ... I leave you with a quick word cloud, as seen at Miss Brenda's, Barb's or Robin's ....

The Mercy Dinner

2006-08-20T19:11:00.000-06:00

Kati and I are currently using the book, Healthy Calendar Diabetic Cooking, to plan meals right now. Although no one is diabetic in the house, I do have to be careful of what I eat because of how my body reacts to things now. Amazing little organs, those kidneys.

Anyway, this book is amazing -- it gives you 52 weeks of recipes, week by week, with a shopping list right up front, first page. And it's really good, easy food :)

Eazy Peazsy, Lemon Squeezy!

This week, it's been "International Week" with things like Penne Pasta with Ricotta, Southern "Fried" Chicken and Spicey Greens, Greek Lemon Rice Soup (to die for), and more.

Tonight was Souvlaki and Mousakka - pork kabobs in pita, with a yogurt cucumber sauce and eggplant. E.g.g.p.l.a.n.t. Ok, let me first preface that I abhor eggplant. But, in the interest of open-mindedness, we bought an eggplant. I only got a slight rash ... but ...

Kati spent a good two hours lovingly making dinner. She LOVES to cook, and really enjoys trying new things. Did I mention, eggplant?

Everyone sits, serves and starts. Oh- we prayed, well, I prayed - that God would ~~really, really~~ bless the ~~eggplant~~ food, and then we ate.

Two bites. Tops.

Our gracious cook looks up and says "Who wants pizza?!"

I ~~ran frantically and~~ said "I'll call".

In waiting for the lady on the other end of the phone to find our account, I casually asked how long delivery was running ~~cause we were starving~~. I mentioned that dinner had failed, miserably, her next comment was "Oh, mercy dinner?!"

As we sat at the table, s-l-o-w-l-y eating our salads, Kati took the ~~evil, ugly eggplant~~ leftovers to the sink.

"Geez mom, even the garbage disposal won't eat this stuff".

I think tomorrow?

We barbecue.

Cause I'm a Wanderer ...

2006-08-19T19:49:00.000-06:00

Everyday Mommy started this! So, here are mine! Alot have been through various moves around the country, some have been on church missions trips, and the rest through summer vacations (except Hawaii - that one? I won a trip for "two" in a store tear-off contest. My parents decided we were "all" going).

Otherwise, I've been to England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland (Teen Missions) - and would like to go to Fiji, Alaska, and Norway.

Kati has the chance to go to Spain, France and Italy this summer on an exchange program for an Ambassadors Program - but, that 's another topic for another day. Be still, my heart.

So ... where have you been? Let Mr. Linky know :) Yep, I finally figured out Mr. Linky :)

I'm going to Disneyland! .... not

2006-08-18T18:01:00.000-06:00

It came! It came!

We got the letter today ... the one from Denver that says "Hey! we'd like to meet you at our next Transplant Clinic". Woohoo!

Now, this is only a pre-approval clinic.

Kind of a rock 'n roll Meet 'n Greet with the Group Nephrology R' Us.

But, hey! It's the best ticket in town, so I hear.

So, mark the date. September 26 - a fun filled day of super-fun with things like:

The Tilt-a-Whirl (known as the 5 mile stress test)
The Jackhammer (how much blood can one person give in a day)
Jeopardy (the psych evaluation - hey, is "snarky" a real word?)

And, my p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l favorite:

Who ~~wants to be~~ Knows A Millionaire (or ... what kinda insurance you got? toots!)

Yep -- anyone who is anyone is coming ...

Now, I just need to find a dress.

Oh.

Wait.

I think they give you one of those purty paper things.

Did someone say ...

2006-08-17T22:20:00.000-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BARB

... a really great egg!

Nothing you can say will take me away ...

2006-08-17T09:46:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about MY GUY

Times are tough right now in the household ... so here is to the glue that holds us together.

1. In the beginning, it was good. We both had to grow up, but we figured it out together- and waited for each other along the way. Now? It just rocks :)

2. First there were 2 of us, then 3 .. then .. what the heck! There were 4! Thanks for the great kiddies, babe!

3. You've stood by me through 6 miscarriages and 13 years of parenting. You've shown me that anyone can be a great parent with just a little will and a lot of love. Doesn't matter what the past looked like for you.

4. You've sat next to me at the hospital for two births, a kidney removal, a hysterectomy, one PD insertion and soon, we hope, a kidney transplant. You never threw up, ran and cried or didn't show up with flowers. Considering how much I know you hate Dr.'s and hospitals, I know you bit several bullets in your time over me.

5. You've taught our kids to fix cars, ride bikes, tie their shoes, throw a football, fear nothing, algebra, love God and expect the best from themselves and no less.

6. You've listened to me talk ... and talk... and talk ... and talk ... and talk - with a smile on your face, and never let on that maybe you weren't just "not listening" a wee little bit at times.

7. You've supported me through my career as it moved us to state after state, after state, after state. You are the best U-Haul packer I know, and ya drive a mean truck :)

8. You've sat up with me at night when things get rough, held me while I cried, reassured me when I needed it - and kicked me in the behind when I needed that, too.

9. You never yell when I mess up the checkbook. Thanks. Really, thanks!

10. Your eyes? Well, I had to get those in here. They are the first thing I noticed about you, and the outward thing I love the most. Blue like a sapphire, sparkling in the sun. Man, I just wish the kids had gotten those eyes. Yeah .. yeah .. I know. Let it go, Kel ...

11. You know me, inside and out. Better than anyone. When my daddy died, you cried with me. You laughed with me. You continue to help me work through the way things are now. You never missed a beat- you know just what to say or do at the right time.

12. You balance and complete me. We have our rhythm and you take the lead. I enjoy giving the lead to you. I love being behind you and beside you. And now? I love being home with you all the time, working and raising our family. Together. I nevern get tired or hearing you down the hall in the office.

13. God is so present in your life, in everything you do, how you love me and how you raise our kids. It amazing to sit back and watch you. May our kids be as lucky as I am with you.

I love you. I am blessed. think you get the message.

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Sing a song of Fall ...

2006-08-16T15:33:00.000-06:00

7 more days to school starting!! Woohoo :)

As usual, we are in last minute mode. I am really lousy about getting things done with school is coming back in session. Yes, I am the mom out there the week before scavenging through for supplies and clothes. Every kid's worst nightmare!

Well, here we are- one week and counting! And nothing, I mean nothing, is ready. The kids have gone from begging and pleading for us to go shopping, to now dropping Shopko ad circulars (with the appropriate items desired) circled in big red circles on my desk. And amazingly, every time I move one off, another appears in it's place. It's like the never-ending oil from the Bible. A true, kids-style miracle.

I always loved going back to school. Lord knows I had to change schools enough, I should have hated it. But, I really didn't. Except for 4th grade. Oh boy- 4th grade. It was the year-that-mom-decided-we-should-have-matching-haircuts for-back-to-school. It was when really short boy-cuts with huge, poufy tops was in.

I was in the 4th grade, for crying out loud. I went to school and cried in the bathroom for the whole day, then wrote a note and said I was sick. Did I mention I got busted? Yep. Busted. I took a kerchief to school with me and and wore it every day after that. I was mortified.

But, things eventually settled down, and the hair grew out. And I never had short hair again. If it doesn't at least touch my shoulders, it doesn't happen. Pretty, pretty hair. Ah, the scars of childhood ...

New friends, new teachers, new events, new things to learn. Fall is in the air (well, at least according to the calendar) and winter is coming.

Almost makes you want to be a kid again .... doesn't it?

What was your favorite back to school memory?

WFMW

2006-08-15T22:02:00.000-06:00

Chore Lists

We have a standard list o' chores the kids are responsible for.
And with that ... comes the fights, the "not my turn" the blah blah blah ...

After doing spreadsheets and assigning things to hang on this fridge, seven ways to Sunday,
and listening to .. "she didn't finish it right" and "now I have to" and "blah blah blah"...

I gave up.

Called uncle.

Took away privileges and toys.

Yeah. That went far.

So, now we have a NEW system, that for the moment is working...

I made them sit down and they wrote the list.

They had to discuss, and not fight.

They both agreed to the list and signed it.

They chose whether to change it over daily, weekly or monthly
- or, as it ended up- this is what we will do from now on.

No switching.

Now- all I say it ... "You agreed. You had a chance, you made a choice. "

Live with it and may silence rain down upon me like graceful rain.

Two weeks and counting ... and it still works for me :)

For more great Works for Me Wednesday tips visit Shannon@Rocksinmydryer.typepad.com

Some really good things!

2006-08-15T09:19:00.000-06:00

When you have a monute, grab something to drink and take some time to read this and this, or this and this! I'm boxed up in meetings all day ... but these really stared my day of great :)

Have a great day everyone!

Another Blockbuster Moment ...

2006-08-14T18:40:00.000-06:00

Blockbuster Online + "24" Season 1 on (6) DVD's =

HAPPY DANCE for momma!!!

Yea baby!!

It's IN.THE.MAIL :)

Can I get an "Amen!" or a "Jack Bauer!"

Now you know. It's true. I am a "24" fanatic. DARN TOOTIN'!

Jack ... Jack .... get off the slow boat to China while you still can ....

* UPDATED: 19 hours, 18 minutes and God is on the move...

2006-08-13T11:42:00.000-06:00

"The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness?" Matthew 6:22-23

Life is certainly not fair, by any means. There is good and there is bad. We are given choices to make, and we learn to live by the consequences of what happens. We choose the types of friends we make, and have really great, or not so great, relationships because of it. We choose the foods we eat, and how we look or feel can be a direct result of those choices. People can betray us, hurt us and how we respond affects our entire outlook on things - sometimes in obvious ways, but I believe it's mostly more subtle ways that truly affect us.

I've struggled with issues of faith a lot recently; mostly over the last year. Everything in our world has been turned upside over the last several months on several fronts. We've lost beloved grandparents; sold our home and moved across country and back again; lived in temporary housing situations waiting for the right home to come around for us again; encountered family dynamics that have left us wounded and bleeding; watched our kids struggle through their first years of middle school - and navigate through the icy waters of teenage viciousness for what they stand for and believe; began our own battle against another potentially life-threatening illness with my kidney failure; changed jobs and lifestyles equivalent to 20% of what we used to "have" and "make", to name a few.

I think it could be easy to just sit back and just give up. Start a big 'ole pity party. Get angry and question God. I mean, if this is life in full abundance and blessing, what is it? Right?Don't you think it's my right to sit back and say "Hey, God? Uh, if this is love ... well ...."

Well, that's really not what we've done.

Much.

But, here is what has happened.

We got our focus looking back, not forward. Hurt, betrayal, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness. All really ugly words, causing really ugly results. Several people said "Just let it go" "Let go, Let God". "Just turn is over". "Forgive". There comes a point, a place, a time, where the hurt gets so big and the wound get so big and raw, that you don't know how to let it heal.
Every reminder is just one more time that the bandage is ripped off and the wound is exposed, infected.

God, I'll trust you in all areas - but this one. Cause there is no way that this can be fixed.

Sound familiar?

Well, that is where I found myself last night. I was sick and tired of being angry, hurt and wounded.

I made a decision to change. I didn't know how, but I just knew it was time. I knew I had to forgive. And God would work on the rest.

So, I decided to take a "me" break. Turned off the computer and went to church. I'm sure everyone knows where this is going .... (after all, my "break" lasted about 19 hours and 18 minutes)

As we walked out he door, the first gift of love was waiting. It was 54 degrees and raining lightly. It may not sound like much, but I suffer horribly in the heat because of this kidney failure. I get dehydrated at the drop of a hat, but am restricted to the amount of fluids I can drink. So, this one-time cooling trend was a blessing for me. I just didn't didn't know it! However, I did dance around abit on the way to the car.

Wayne Cordeiro spoke last night, as a guest speaker in follow-up to the Leadership Summit 2005 that has been going on. He spoke on Attitude and Faith. Yep, wrote it just for me.

Look for what is good.

He who diligently seeks good seeks favor; but he who seeks evil, evil will com to him." Proverbs 11:27

Believe you can chance.

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he ..." Proverbs 23:7

Never give up!

" And Jesus said to him, " ... all things are possible to him who believes". Mark 9:23

Faith is not about "what is", but what you can "see". God designed us to look forward; our eyes, ears, arms and feet were designed to move us more effectively forward.

What I realized, and walked away with, is that to be truly faithful I need to walk away from the past. From the hurt and betrayal. God will do the rest.

And when I accepted that, it was over. God took it, and there was a literal physical lifting of weight from my heart. I say there and felt God put my heart back together in that moment.

I don't know what God has planned from this pont forward; how he will rebuild bridges of trust where none exist now. However, my faith rests in that He will do things, when and how He chooses. And now, I can see that. And I trust Him - because He is the only one who will never fail me.

I do not expect that life will now sally-forth uninhibited. There will be rocks and valleys, pain and joy. But, once again - I'm rested in knowing that my Jesus has the lead and will not let me go.

I love you, Lord
and I lift my voice ...
to worship you
O my soul rejoice.

Take joy, my King
in what you hear!
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
in your ear.

Hallelujah - our God is an awesome God.

* Update 8/20/06: The audio and written notes for this message are finally posted. You can download them for free by clicking here, then using the "Free" links for either audio or document. I really recommend the 30 minutes to listen to Wayne. Hugs everyone ...

Your turn to count while I hide ....

2006-08-12T16:52:00.000-06:00

I'm.walking.away.from.the.computer.

I'm waaaaaaalkiiiiiing aaaaaaaaaaawaaaaaaayyyyyyy fruuuuuuuuuuuuum theeeeeeee coooooompuuuuuutttttttteeeeeerrrrr (can you hear Ellen deGeneres' nemo whale voice here?)

I love writing and interacting with each of you .... the friendships and camaraderie being built is amazing, refreshing, entertaining, uplifting, thought-provoking, and ... and .... and ....

But, the bottom line is - I'm being tested on several fronts right now, some are BIG ... some are small ... alot are just there in the middle (but by no means, "just right") and I know that to try and answer some hard questions, I need to take some hard looks at things.

And that requires focus and concentration on my part. I'm picking up a couple of books on things I want to work through, and taking the time and room to let God speak ... or smack me with a 2x4 ... or just plain do whatever it is He is going to need to do to get Kelli back to where she needs to be - in body, mind and spirit.

Realistically, I'm hoping to be back in just a few days. The thought of leaving all things internet frankly has my heart pounding and my knees shaking. I may just throw up.

In the meantime, dear friends, drop a line to God on my behalf when you think of it :)

I'll see you in a bit, refreshed, rejuvenated and raring to go!

In pondering BooMama's thought provoking posts this past week, I read this, and would love to see what you think.

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people, the answer is in the word ministry. In 1 Peter 5:10 Peter tells us that God has a ministry in our suffering. He says, "But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you."

Someone has said that a bar of steel is worth five dollars. When it is wrought into horseshoes, it is worth ten dollars. If made into needles, it is worth three hundred and fifty dollars. If wrought into penknife blades, it is worth thirty-two thousand dollars. And if it is wrought into springs for watches, it is worth two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The more the steel is manipulated, the more it is hammered, beaten, pounded and polished, the greater the value.

So, what do you think? I'll be back in a few days to find out.

In the meantime ... hugs to all.

Happy Birthday ...

2006-08-12T08:49:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it?!

Click here

(to those of you from my graduating class of 19, ahem-2 who laughed at me ... ha! you laughed at me when I took computers - well, me and that one other geeky guy- but tell me, how is that keypunch career working for ya?)

Living in Grace

A Little Bloggity Housekeeping

Wait for it....

I've Got A Secret ....

*Updated* There Has To Be a Sitcom In Here Somewhere

It's Raining ... It's Pouring ... The Old Man Better Wake Up Fast!

ER on a Saturday Night - what could be more fun

Personal Journal- The Road to Transplant : Day One

Can someone give me a Hallelujah?!

The Second Most Important Call To Date.

Addison: Urgent Prayer

There goes my tail again... Oh bother.

Blog Party!! Welcome to Our Blog

Since you've asked ...

So Take The Road Home ... la la la la ... take the long road home ...

*Updated* But, of course this was bound to happen ...

In Honor of my 20,000th Visitor .... 20,000 things about me!

Just Giggle ... Giggle If You Want To ....

Go Ye into the World....

How do I Love Thee ...

A Special Valentine

I"ll bet you didn't know this!

Bloggity Goodness

Faith Lifts - Courage Awards

Because You Complete Me

Although I hate pancake syrup ....

America's Most Wanted ... here I come?

Y'all Only Have 12 hours to think CHEAP and FUN !

Control ... and lessons learned

How I spent my Super Bowl weekend!

Bloggity Goodness

Anyone want some FREE stuff???

Here's to Tom, Oprah and ..... ME!

In reflection of the last week, as I look to the future ...

Ok, I admit it.

But of course it is .....

Hey batter, batter ... hey batter, batter ... SWING!

Ok, not the fashion statement I was hoping for....

WOW ... doesn't start to cover it.

Things that make you go ... aaaaaah

I'm Dying..... LITERALLY

How Do I Even Start?

**URGENT** Prayer Needed - Thursday morning

Monthly Update

A Friend Needs Prayer Today

This is My Story, Part 2

With Calmer Heads Prevailing

Just Me God

Please Pray *Updated

Those Mice ... Those Men!

Whatcha Mean- only 48 hours left ?!

Thursday 13

All those wasted, wasted years of piano lessons ...

Day Two of the Torture Test

Day One of the Torture Test

Tues/Wed ... Can You Pray Please

WFMW - no applause please

This Is My Story - Part 1

An Interesting Biblical Truth at Christmas ....

It's a SURPRISE!!!! Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

"The" Christmas Meme

Because Everyone Should Celebrate!!

Favorite Ingredient Friday

Doom and Gloom ...to... Livin Out Loud!

The State of the Union

Eat ... the .... COOKIE!

If you see nothing else today

In Memory of Canon

And then, they go and do something like ....

I can't believe it!

Hey Bing? How 'bout a song?

Hi! Remember Me?

Tumultous Tuesday- What a Day!

What I'm Doing On My Bloggity Exile, well, Vacation

The Day the World Changed

Well ... I NEVER! (ok, so I did)

WFMW - Keeping Up WIth New Friends

Involuntary Lurker

In a Nutshell ....

Updated There Has To Be a Sitcom In Here Somewhere

Updated But, of course this was bound to happen ...

URGENT Prayer Needed - Thursday morning