Living in Grace

A Little Bloggity Housekeeping

2007-04-18T15:56:00.000-06:00

We've moved!

Please updates your Bloglines and Google Reader feeds to livingingrace.typepad.com

Can't wait for you to join me !

Wait for it....

2007-04-06T22:51:00.001-06:00

5... 4.... 3..... 2..... SUPRISE!

I've Got A Secret ....

2007-04-06T18:22:00.000-06:00

... but you'll have to come back in a bit to hear all the details ...

Updated There Has To Be a Sitcom In Here Somewhere

2007-04-04T13:00:00.000-06:00

Great things to update:

1. The initiation transfer was finalized with the new medical team today! Hooray! I see them on Tuesday of next week (3 hours in, 3 hours there, 3 hours back) but that's fine. They have taken over immediate jurisdiction of my supplies, so I can get the stuff I needed right away. This eliminates the issue of the current team here not approving those supplies for "business" reasons.

2. Although I won't see the actual Dr. until May, we will still do blood draws et al next week to make sure all is still stable. The fatigue and malaise do not appear to be related to the anemia, as my count was actually up to 10.4 (not quite 11, but better than 9.2 on the 19th). So, we are all just watching things for now and see how it plays out. Somehow, just knowing I have a responsive team behind me is doing wonders in itself for my mood.

3. We have learned how truly spoiled we were in Billings with being "in town" to the full hospital. We are now considered "rural clinic" based due to the initial choice to team with the local Dr. here (big, BIG mistake) - so being tied to another hospital based team will certainly have it's pluses ... even if we have to drive in. I always knew that my MT team covered all of Montana, Wyoming and South Dakota but never realized all those people had to drive in monthly for care. Now, I realize why it's worth the drive.

Things are swinging back to the better.

As always, though -

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot,

Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blessed assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me preface this by saying, there is now another place on my list of "Places I Will Never Step Foot In". And that place? Our local Emergency Room.

See, we live in a ~~Party~~ Resort destination. We are currently enduring, er- enjoying, seven straight weeks of Spring Break heaven. Right here in our front yard. That should have given us some clue when packing up to the head to the ER On a Saturday night.

I normally dialize from 10pm - 10am, so at 8pm when we walked out the door I knew I had to be home by 2am. That's the longest I can carry my dialysis fluid in me at one time. So, off we went.

When I checked in (after waiting 20 minutes for someone to come off break to check us in), I let her know the situation. No problem!!

We had a seat, and got comfy. And then started the show.

Ladies and Gentleman, It's Saturday Niiiiight!

The first act of the evening was a group of, well, influenced teenagers who brought in a buddy with a bum ankle. Loud, swearing, er .. under-dressed even for our warm weather and rambunctious. We endured anatomy lessons from ill-fitting tops and short shorts (even on the matriach of the group who looked to be around 60) and wheelchair races in the lobby.

For.four.long.hours.

Finally, their friend came back with a splint and a pain killer- feeling better than when he came in. And we knew it all the way through the building and the parking lot.

Then, came "The Damsel in Distress" complete with one high heel shoe, and an ace bandage on the other ankle. Her knight carried her into the waiting room, the injured leg daintely lifted straight up, perfectly manicured toes pointed daintely. She mumbled something about falling over a beer bottle and her prince took of, once she was settled in a wheelchair. Throughout the next two hours we watched her charm various men in the waiting room to push her wheelchair to the Vending Area for sodas.

The rest was a mixture of the normal party injuries- wrists, ankles etc.

After 6 1/2 hours, I got called back to Triage, then moved to a room. Where I sat. And sat. And caught up on anything People or Entertainment Weekly related published in the last 8 months or so.

Two hours later? Nothing.

At this point, I was overdue to drain and dialize so we checked wit hthe nurse to get an ETA on the Dr. , Physicians Assistant or frnakly the Janitor coming in to say Hi.

Two.hours.

At least.

So, we chose to go home. I figured not dialyzing was worse than whatever is wrong with me- fever and all. We thought about going back today, and decided to wait.

The Dr. currently on call for my care doesn't take calls after hours. Really, he doesn't. According to the service and the nurse? If she can't help me, it's off to the ER.

The plan now? Hope like crazy the paperwork for my transfer to the new group goes through fast, and then drive 3 hours to see them this week. At worst, I think they would admit me for iron IV's. Since I have lost total faith in the medical community in our area, it's a gamble I'm willing to take.

I'm just thankful it's me that needed help and not one of the kids. That would have been a whole different kind of post.

It's Raining ... It's Pouring ... The Old Man Better Wake Up Fast!

2007-04-03T23:55:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a humdinger of a week. Ya' know -

* Being sick and all ...

* Accumulating 17 hours waiting in the ER to be told, "See your doctor next week, you should be fine..."

* Waiting around for contractors whose live by the (apparent) town motto of "Whenever" ...

* Being robbed...

Yep.

Robbed.

And it's only Tuesday.

It appears our garage was broken into at some point while we were enjoying our visit to the ER. They took an automotive blanket that John had put under the car to protect the new cement floor, and loaded it up with an extensive portion of his expensive tools. They took alot of loose tools, and at least one complete drawer of his actual tool box (with tools).

Since we are nowhere near unpacked, and most of our stuff was stored in boxes in the garage, we aren't even sure what else is gone yet. Over the last two weeks, we've been through some of the boxes, so they were already open and easily accessible.

Ugh.

So, on top of everything else on the list o'things to do tomorrow, we've added:

* Go through stuff in garage and try to remember what was in the boxes, tool chests, etc.

* Call police and file report.

* Call insurance and file claim.

The worst part is most of what we easily identified as missing was the set of tools my dad gave John before he passed away. John is heartbroken over that- he loved my dad like a son.

Of course, the kids are shook up and worried they will come back and try to get in the house.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

ER on a Saturday Night - what could be more fun

2007-03-31T20:57:00.000-06:00

For the last three days, I've been feeling sortof out of it. Rather like a case of mono coming on- can't think straight, stay awake. It all hit the wall this afternoon and I had to take a nap.

The frustrating part of the treatment since we moved here, is I don't really have a "doctor". Everything goes through the PD nurse. If they cannot figure it out, they refer you to the ER.

So, we are changing facilities which will benefit us in two ways:

* They will keep me on the prescription for dialysis that is finally working (after a year of trial and error). The current group makes it's decision based on their business model, and my current prescription is not cost effective.

* I will have a full team again of care, including a Dr. that will take emergent calls after hours.

This transition will mean we drive to their office once a month, 3.5 hours each way, but it seems like a worthwhile investment. Especially tonight.

But, I digress.

I'm off to the ER, and will most likely be admitted overnight for an iron infusion (another part of my treatment that this current group stopped cold. It's been a month since I had any iron.) My iron levels are below 9.2, when they should be at least 11.

I realize I only have to get through this next week until the transfer of my care is completed to the new group, but it's seems like forever when you're not feeling good and no one seems to care.

Be good, internets- as Boomama would say.

See you on the flip side.

Personal Journal- The Road to Transplant : Day One

2007-03-26T14:44:00.000-06:00

I'm starting this side journal of postings to document my road to transplant. Nothing really interesting for most, but I am one who needs accountability. So, this will be my Accountability Journal.

When I started dialysis, I gained 40 pounds in 3 months. Bam! See, I dialyize with sugar water, believe it or not. So, it's like me sitting down to a bag (or ten) of Snickers every. single. day. Dialysis and an apple and I have my caloric intake for the day.

Its been tough getting any of the weight off, since I have had to use the higher concentrations of dialysis fluids. But, we seem to have found away around it now and so I have to work to get this off. Transplant requires certain things, and a weight range is included - but, if course.

That being said, I hired a personal trainer- Kathy. We have a home gym, and a pool but darn if I can't find 100 other things to do every day that use it. Sound familiar?

I talked to her last week, and decided to have her over to the house 3 times a week to make me work out. The best part is, she's affordable. She charges for one. whole. week what trainers normally charge for one.whole.hour. Yeah! And the second best part? She's not a WorkOurBarbie. I was ready to hate her before she showed up today- but Ireallylikedher. I do!

I may even keep this up!

Today we did some paperwork, figured out an eating plan and did 45 minutes of exercise. I actually sweated! We worked out with resistance bands, tubing things and a 6 pound weight ball. Considering I carry 8 pounds of fluid in my abdomen 24 hours a day for 24/7 dialysis, it's like being pregnant for, I don't know, YEARS. But the good news is - there no cursing, not even in my head.

To top it off? We just got back from The WalMart, where we bought a reasonably priced treadmill. She mentioned cardio 5x a week, and come summer ? This child is going nowhere near the outdoors, where it's literally 120 in. the. shade. Thankyouverymuch.

This is the hardest part of the journey for me - spending money and exercising. Paying money TO exercise, in my own home- well, thats a huge step.

Can someone give me a Hallelujah?!

2007-03-24T16:17:00.000-06:00

Study: Chocolate improves blood vessel function

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (Reuters) -- Chocoholics were given further reason to rejoice Saturday when a small clinical study showed that dark chocolate improves the function of blood vessels.

While the researchers cautioned against bingeing on bon bons, they said the findings of the trial were clear and called for larger such studies to confirm the results.

"In this sample of healthy adults, dark chocolate ingestion over a short period of time was shown to significantly improve (blood vessel) function," said Dr. Valentine Yanchou Njike of Yale Prevention Research Center, a co-investigator of the study.

The results, presented at the annual American College of Cardiology scientific meeting in New Orleans, Louisiana, add to mounting evidence of the health benefits of dark chocolate.

During the six-week trial, 45 people were given 8 ounces (227 grams) of cocoa without sugar, cocoa with sugar or a placebo each day.

An upper arm artery's ability to relax and expand to accommodate increased blood flow -- known as flow mediated dilation, or FMD -- was measured using high-frequency ultrasound before and after daily cocoa or placebo consumption.

Of the 39 subjects who completed the trial, FMD improved significantly in both cocoa groups -- by 2.4 percent among those who had it without sugar and 1.5 percent among those who had it with sugar. It dropped 0.8 percent in the placebo group.

"While the findings from this study do not suggest that people should start eating more chocolate as part of their daily routine, it does suggest that we pay more attention to how dark chocolate and other flavonoid-rich foods might offer cardiovascular benefits," Njike said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, if they could get those same study results with Diet Coke.

Doctor? Doctor?

Anyone ?! .....

The Second Most Important Call To Date.

2007-03-24T15:42:00.000-06:00

When I was growing up, I wondered if I would ever have children. Doctors ran constant tests on me that contained words like "nuclear medicine" and "radioactive dye". I had a few miscarriages and thought that was it. Then I had Katie, and 14 months later, Jonathan.

When I got married, the first year was hard. To the point where we separated for abit. There was growing up on both sides that needed to be done. And I learned the harder lesson that sharing your marital issues can color people's perceptions of your mate once things are ok again, even when they are awesome. Some things are never forgotten. But, I have now have a marriage that goes beyond anything I could have imagined is possible in life, and a mate that meets almost every need I have before I ask. We anticipate each other now.

When I was working out of home I wanted success, promotion, security for my family. John had his career, had reached the pinnacle of his craft and was ready to retire as a FT stay at home dad. I gave up precious years with the kids in chasing my "dream". 5 years ago I joined a company in my arena PT just to "see how the business model" was working. I sensed that home-shoring (home-based customer service agents) was the next wave of call center work. 3 years later, I was asked to join FT as a manager. I realized my dream to work at home, and home school my kids. This same company has met our family's every need since the day I was diagnosed. Every. need.

When I went in for an annual physical in February of 2006, blood was run. And my kidney failure was found. I would not have seen the Dr. for my bi-annual checkup for at least another 9-12 months. It would have been too late. I was referred to the exact team of specialists, which the exact temperament and treatment personality that I needed.

When I started researching Transplant Units, I scoured the Internet and read every graph, chart and statistic on every hospital I deemed worthy of treating me. Because, it's all about ME in this case. Every 1% failure rate is one more person that dies. So, it MATTERS. Somehow, I missed the best hospital. But, my doctors did not. They know who I needed to see.

And today, 12 months after diagnosis, tests, calls, visits, stress, letters, more tests, and presentation- we got the call.

THE call.

The SECOND best call we can get.

I am now on the national list for a donor.

Today. March 19, 2007. One year and 10 days after I had surgery for implantation of peritoneal dialysis catheter.

If you are interested in becoming a living donor, please go here and read important information. Several organs can be donated prior to death, including kidneys.

Also, please go here and think about becoming an organ donor upon your passing.

On behalf of the thousands waiting for a chance at a longer life,

THANK YOU.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Life is like a box of chocolates.

You scratch the bottom, expecting one flavor and bite to find the truth. It may not always be the flavor you expect, but in the end, it's the one you need.

Addison: Urgent Prayer

2007-03-22T12:06:00.000-06:00

Update from Sarah ... Click Here

This is from Bev's blog:

Sarah phoned me from the back of an ambulance, asking me to post this on my blog because she's away from home. Addison was diagnosed with RSV a few days ago, has been on breathing treatments, and seemed to be doing better.

Apparently last night she started having more difficulties. When Sarah took Addison to the doctor this morning, he sent her straight to the hospital. She was receiving a breathing treatment on the way. Sarah suspects pneumonia, but I've yet to hear anything more since Sarah saw the doctor.

She just asked me to let you all know - Addison needs prayer again. If you have a minute and can put this on your blog, this Grammy would feel better knowing Heaven is being flooded with requests on her behalf. I'm sure Sarah and Chris would too.

There goes my tail again... Oh bother.

2007-03-14T18:01:00.001-06:00

Most days, I'm Tigger. Full of optimism, organized, witty and on top of things. Lately, about the last month or so, I've been more Eeyore. Scattered, heavy-hearted, under a constant black raincloud.

I know that part of it is losing the control of having my job, and not being able to be "needed" somewhere. Weird, because I home-school two of the best kids in the world that I love to death. But, I'm used to balancing so many balls- and now, ahem, I'm ball-less.

This move has left me unsettled. I know, through the prayers and answers we have received, and the path that laid out before us that is was the right move now. But, leaving all that is familiar, including the medical team that I adored, is hard. I've met the first of my new team- and I am not thrilled. Talented, able but cold, business-like. Efficient. I don't do that well.

I have slipped, here and there, into mild depression over the last few months but have always slept it off and moved on to the new day. Now, I can't.

The talons of being unsettled, of living in constant anticipation of the next thing to go wrong- has begun to wear on me. This month has been a joyous one of miracle after miracle- but has come attack after attack. My shield is dented, folding and my sword arm is tired. Putting one foot in front of the other is tiring, cumbersome. Literally and figuratively. I cry more, and easily. And that, is not my way. I will not be a victim.

Today brought more devastating setbacks in the transplant area. Phoenix will not accept me. The nurse I had initially talked to, who did the full (or what we thought was the full) initial process, missed a few steps that evidently fully disqualify me. That wasn't so much the issue today (although it was a kick in the gut), as the way she said it. She was chipper and cold at the same time. Very efficient. "We cannot even work you up. Good thing you have Denver in your back pocket". Dismissed. You are the weakest link. Byebye.

I do still have Denver, and I don't see us moving too much closer to them, as we are ok where we are- and know this is where God wants us for now. I'm reading Beth Moore's Get Out Of That Pit - and fully focused on slipping in through circumstances and people who push you in. Timing- right?

Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. Tired. In need of something going right. Just one day. Just one.

I've struggled with even posting as I like to do it once I've learned the lesson. I want to share the journey of our trip here. But, I find myself focusing on the events of what went wrong and it no longer strikes me funny. Even though we laughed all the way here. Depression is scary. And I'm trusting that God continues to hear me, and maybe someone has some directional signs from having been here before me.

Blog Party!! Welcome to Our Blog

2007-03-11T12:00:00.000-06:00

Welcome To Living In Grace!

We've been moving across 5 states in the last week,
but feel free to look around and see the fun things around here!

I'm just a stay at home home-schooling mom of two young teens,
who is waiting for a kidney transplant.

Posts to start with:

My Story, Part 1

My Story, Part 2

Other Bloggitey Goodness:

Read this ....

Or this ....

And there is this ...

I'd love to know you stopped by, so leave a comment
and I will be able to come and visit you as well!

It's all about meeting new friends!

Since you've asked ...

2007-03-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

So many of you have emailed asking why we decided to move ... right now ... with everything going on. So, here is the scoop!

To be on "the list", the transplant list - there are a ton of requirements from ability to pay, health requirements, but also locale. We need to be able to get to the center within "x" hours should I go on the cadaver list and get a donor from someone who has lost their life. Although we are trying for a living donor transplant, we are also going to get on the list for cadaver as well.

The country is divided into a bunch of UNOS areas (UNOS is the organization in charge of distributing available cadaver donor organs to hospitals). from what I understand, you can list at two hospitals as long as they are in different UNOS regions- as are Phoenix and Denver. This gives us double the chance as a donor organ- which is important in the tight availability of organs that are introduced through the system.

We have had concerns since listing with Denver that we would not be able to get there in "x" hours as needed if/when the time comes. Especially in the winter with the weather. Should I not get the last flight out, we would have to drive 12 hours in bad weather with no guarantee of arriving in time. The same with Phoenix- that is a 3 day drive, not quite "x" hours we needed.

So, we made a huge decision to move more central to both. Since I am on water restriction and inevitably don't handle heat well from a hydration standpoint, it made sense not to go too far south into the brutal heat. We landed about 4 hours north of the worst part of the heat. Still hot, but more manageable for me.

We have been researching this for a few months but I was too nervous about leaving my team of specialists for a new crowd. I'm very loyal and frankly, spoiled by them all. However, they understood our concerns and found me a great team here in our town. The Dr. just moved here to establish a practice, and there is a large population of PD Dialysis patients here in the state. Its a mecca, of sorts. Odd, but true.

I have to admit, adjusting to a larger town is hard on us right now. It's crowded, and more intense than anyplace we have lived in a very long time. We have been blessed to be able to live "out of town" for years now- at least to the point of having our space and quiet. I am happy that, other than gas prices (don't get me started), the cost of living is actually better here all around for us. And that helps in the saving-for-the-transplant-costs-part-o-things! God is good. God is faithful.

I miss my left-leaning trees already, but after having one last hoo-rah snow storm the day we were to leave, I'm ready for some sun!

This move has taken a ton out of me- emotionally and physically. I'm be catching up on all 389 posts in my bloglines over the next week or two and sharing all the hilarity that was our ~~short 3 day~~ almost 7 day road trip. Oh my word. It was not to be believe. I do believe Murphy rode right along with us. Every darn mile.

To all of you that have emailed or commented your concern, jokes, support, notes of Hello and How are ya-- thank you. Email will be caught up soon, I promise. But it may be a week or more. Ack, but you all have been busy!

So Take The Road Home ... la la la la ... take the long road home ...

2007-03-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

We are here. Safe. Exhausted.

3 extra days on the road.

Skunks.

Fish.

And a flat tire.

Oh- and the phones are dead.

So, I'll leave you with that for now, and will post a day by day journal once I can sit for more than 30 seconds.

I swear the Box Salesperson promised these were self-unpacking boxes.

Hmpf.

Lazy. Every last one of them.

Updated But, of course this was bound to happen ...

2007-02-27T13:55:00.002-07:00

Just a quickie update ...

If y'all could be praying for me. I've been feeling abit rundown the last couple days, assuming it was from the stress of the move prep.

Now, I'm running a so-far low-grade fever which could mean the flu ... or a kidney infection. Either is the last thing we need right now.

I need to be on my feet to drive for three days. And I don't need an infection. I'll take the flu, a fast case if need be. I haven't had an infection in years; so I'm hopeful that, at least, is not the issue we are dealing with.

Internet goes down for the trip soon. I'll update if anything is solid one way or the other before then. Otherwise, it will be hit and miss with WiFi as we go.

Well, off to take some Tylenol and go to bed.

*Update: This morning I had an earache and sore throat so YEAH!! It's a cold or something (I can't believe I'm fairly excited here folks) ... So, off to the store for one of the few drugs I can still take and then down with the internet til the 9th. Thanks everyone :)

In Honor of my 20,000th Visitor .... 20,000 things about me!

2007-02-27T13:55:00.001-07:00

Joking!

But, you were worried, weren't ya!

Seriously, we will be without internet until March 9th when we get settled into the new house. The move was required by the Transplant Center- something about length of travel for a cadaver donor transplant, if it comes to that. You got to be there f.a.s.t!

So, we are packing up the Uhaul and saying goodbye to our dream home in Montana for abit. Well, at least 12 bits (months) or so.

Sad.

But, it's a shot at life.

So, we are taking it.

I'm sure there will be at least 8,000 posts to catch up on once we are online again, so please - nothing too wonderful between now and then!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the meantime .... let's celebrate ANYWAY!!!!

If you would be so kind, can you leave me a comment with your worst or funniest moving story?

Once we settle, I'll get up the emotional courage to write allll about this move for you. It's been laden with more twists and turns than the grandest ole' wodden rollercoaster.

20,000 comments would be ... well ... awesome! fantastic! (Boo, have I annoyed you enough yet?) ... but, highly unrealistic. Maybe a few less than that.

So... go on! De-lurk in the spirit of movingstresssisterhood. Dare ya!

Just Giggle ... Giggle If You Want To ....

2007-02-23T20:34:00.001-07:00

Go Ye into the World....

2007-02-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." - Mark 16:15

When I was 16, I was called to missions. I spent the summer of my 17th year in Europe with Teen Missions doing evangelical work and almost spent my 18th with The Continentals doing the same thing. At 19, I felt led to go to Australia with YWAM, but I was not allowed the opportunity because it was "too far away". I sit back at times, and wonder what things would have been like had I been allowed to go.

Kati is my oldest. My first. My only daughter. She is DLP- daddy's little princess. She is most like me.

I have not always given her what she needs in terms of being mothered. I worked outside the home until she was just out of 6th grade, so dad took care of her and her brother during the day times. The last two years have brought about a stronger bond between the two of us that I cherish.

I tend to not smother her, suffocate. I refuse to "be one of the girls" with she and her friends and they appreciate that. It didn't work well for me growing up, so I'm trying not to pass it on. I let her have opinions, ideas and try to support her in what she wants. In doing this, I remember- as does she- that I am her mother, and not her friend. Someday, when she is older, if things work out right, we will have the chance to be friends rather than mother and daighter. There is a time; there is a balance.

This means there is conflict between us at times, but afterwards, there is discussion and unity. It's been hard since she got "hormonal", teenager-y, woman-ly. But, she has this place in my heart that beats so loudly in my ears. She is a mini-me. Headstrong, loving, confrontational, impatient, tender, caring, compassionate, nurturing, funny, witty. smart and lovable to her bones.

Other than wanting to be a vet through the age of 7, she has had her heart set- passionately- on traveling the world. That world. The big scary one, full of war, conflict, terror - and as she puts it- lost souls. What started as a passion for art, writing and travel (that girl can write, let em tell you) has developed over the last year into a desire for the mission field. In Africa. A-f-r-i-c-a.

It takes my breath away.

She will be going on her first missions trip this summer, locally to Mexico, hopefully with our new church. Then, next summer- God willing- the plan is more, well, far away. Maybe Peru, or India, or Panama, or .... with Global Expeditions. Although she just turned 14 and is chomping at the bit to go this summer, we have a few things on the plate. Transplant and all. Selfishly, I told her I want her here to be with me through surgery, should it come this summer. She gets it. So, we look to next year.

Her current studies include the current Physician's Desk Reference and Civilian Under Fire: Humanitarian Practices in the Congo Republic. Heady stuff for a 14 year old, but she laps it up. Her one grandfather was a doctor. The other, a missionary every day he woke up and took breath to anyone that he came in contact with. I think she is the best of both of them.

I know that I have two options here:

1) Hold her so tight, that she resents it and rebels. Potentially walks away from the things that God is laying on her heart. Her destiny.

2) Loosen the strings ever so lightly, pray like crazy, so she can grow, learn, mature, decide, buy-in, get with God's program for her life.

No matter what she decides, I'm behind her. I will not stand in her way because I'm uncomfortable. Because I don't want what I want. I want what God has for her, what she wants. There is no I in her destiny.

She is mine, because God gave her to me. I am here to help her grow, to help her hear God's voice and support her in those things that she decides to do with what God has given her.

Even if it means holding back tears while driving her to the airport on some not-so-distant day, watching her take her passport and ticket, maybe her husband and my grandkids, and go off to her mission field. In Africa.

They don't know the blessing they have on the way now. Do they?

How do I Love Thee ...

2007-02-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

Note: we don't celebrate Valentines around here anymore. For the most part, it's because our anniversary is on the 10th. The other part? We love on each other all year. We don't need a date :)

How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways ...

I love you .. cause you asked "Hey, why don't you run errands alone today? I'll keep the kids.

I love you ... cause I was afraid to drive down our hill in the snow.

I love you ... cause you offered to drive me down our long, steep hill and walk back up.

I love you ... cause you then drove me all the way to the main road- 2 miles.

I love you ... cause you walked back 2 miles in the snow and cold.

I love you ... cause the last thing you said to me, before you hiked home was ....

Take. Your. Time. and GogetyourhaircutmaybeevengetlunchsomewherebutTake.Your.Time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That is why I love you. 'Cause you show me in little ways all year, that you love me.

A Special Valentine

2007-02-14T12:25:00.001-07:00

Lord ...

Just a note to say Thank You, and I'm Sorry.

I forgot. I panicked. I got angry, because I was scared.

~~~~~~~~

For everything that fell apart this week,

for everything you put back together, better...

~~~~~~~~

In one moment you reminded me,

You Hear Us Cry.

~~~~~~~~

In one phone call you reminded me,

You are in Control.

~~~~~~~~

Through one person you reminded me,

You Love Us.

~~~~~

My forever Valentine.

I"ll bet you didn't know this!

2007-02-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

Melanie, a sweet friend who comments regularly, created this post in honor of National Organ Donor Day today ... I'll invite each of you to read it.

Although I've been signed up as an organ donor since I was 18, I know I couldn't have said it better!

Isn't it awesome that National Organ Donor Day falls on Valentines Day!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Bloggity Goodness

2007-02-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

Make sure you click on the picture, to read the story. Here.

Faith Lifts - Courage Awards

2007-02-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Sarah, from In the Midst of It , was interviewed for the Courage Award at Faith Lifts today.

It's a thought-provoking post that you need to go here and read :)

Off to do Anniversary things y'all.

Have a blessed day!

Because You Complete Me

2007-02-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

John and Kelli

February 10, 1990

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill,

We've shared our strength, and we share it still,

It hasn't been easy to make the climb,

But the way was eased by your hand in mine.

Like the lake, our life, has had ripples too,

Ill health and worries, and payments due,

With happy pauses along the way,

A graduation, a raise in pay.

At the foot of the slope,

we will stop and rest,

Look back if you wish, we've been truly blessed,

We've been spared the grief of being torn apart,

By death or divorce, or a broken heart.

The view ahead, is one of the best,

Just a little further, and then we can rest,

We move more slowly, but together still,

Let me hold your hand, as we go downhill.

-PC King

I love you.

No matter what.

Forever.

End of s.t.o.r.y.

Although I hate pancake syrup ....

2007-02-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

... I can take this kind o'sweetness all day long:

Jonathan (mind you he's almost 13):

"Mom, do you need a hug? Cause ... I know a guy......"